Thank you so much for your replies. It has been nice to have these to help keep me strong. Honestly, I really don't know if he has or not. To me I don't see how he hasn't given that this has gone on so long. But he keeps commenting that he can't get an erection anyway so how could he cheat. The last 2 times we were intimate it did not go well he could not keep an erection. He kept saying he just wasn't into it. I am wondering now was it that he wasn't into "it" or wasn't into me or was he feeling guilty because maybe he has done something and knew he couldn't be with me again. I really don't know and I will never know unless he tells me. That is something I will have to deal with. He is scheduled to go alone tomorrow morning again. So we will see what happens then. He wasn't happy with her approach the first time so I called the office and mentioned that and asked if she would try something different to maybe not turn him off and maybe get him to actually listen. I am kicking myself now for not listening, I mean really listening and forcing the counseling issue a year ago before this got so bad. My dad is actually a PI and is trying to find out information for me on the secret phone so I know who's name its in. I called it today from a private number to see if he would answer as he told me that he just put it away and it went straight to VM so it must be turned off somewhere. But the voice on it was another woman with a different name it sounded like someone that he works with an older woman. Lord knows who it is or what else I don't know. I have been reading alot about how much I really need to know and what benefit that is going to be for me and all that and I guess I just need to stop for now until we decide which path we are going to take. He is talking now about wanting joint physical custody if we split and I am wondering if that has anything to do with the amount of child support he is worried about paying or what. I know he wants to be with them but he keeps making sure to say how he wants it to say this and not that. I told him that if we can't come to an agreement then this becomes a fault divorce and I would subpeona text messages, GPS records, phone records, email correspondance, and the other women and then all this mess is going to come out. And given the fact that the main woman involved works with him and is very concerned about losing her job and such I am guessing he doesn't really want this to happen. I don't know if I do just because I am worried about what I might find out but then again maybe that will help me get over things faster too if we do split. But I am definitely not going to get screwed in this. Right now I am just being nice. I am not going to fight anymore in front of my kids. I have done enough damage to them in the last year with that and it has to stop. So I try to be positive when i get home from work and not cry and be angry. I save that for the drive in and back home and sometimes the privacy of my office. I talk to him like things are normal and I guess in some ways the way he has been leading me on I am not leading him on. Trying to make him think this is all going to be all nicey nicey for everyone and he will get what he wants. Not really the case though. I am not going to cave. I refuse to cave. Even if we work things out. I am not going to cave. I know I did things wrong and I need to change. But he has alot of work to do as well.
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Thank you so much for your replies. It has been nice to have these to help keep me strong. Honestly, I really don't know if he has or not. To me I don't see how he hasn't given that this has gone on so long. But he keeps commenting that he can't get an erection anyway so how could he cheat. The last 2 times we were intimate it did not go well he could not keep an erection. He kept saying he just wasn't into it. I am wondering now was it that he wasn't into "it" or wasn't into me or was he feeling guilty because maybe he has done something and knew he couldn't be with me again. I really don't know and I will never know unless he tells me. That is something I will have to deal with. He is scheduled to go alone tomorrow morning again. So we will see what happens then. He wasn't happy with her approach the first time so I called the office and mentioned that and asked if she would try something different to maybe not turn him off and maybe get him to actually listen. I am kicking myself now for not listening, I mean really listening and forcing the counseling issue a year ago before this got so bad. My dad is actually a PI and is trying to find out information for me on the secret phone so I know who's name its in. I called it today from a private number to see if he would answer as he told me that he just put it away and it went straight to VM so it must be turned off somewhere. But the voice on it was another woman with a different name it sounded like someone that he works with an older woman. Lord knows who it is or what else I don't know. I have been reading alot about how much I really need to know and what benefit that is going to be for me and all that and I guess I just need to stop for now until we decide which path we are going to take. He is talking now about wanting joint physical custody if we split and I am wondering if that has anything to do with the amount of child support he is worried about paying or what. I know he wants to be with them but he keeps making sure to say how he wants it to say this and not that. I told him that if we can't come to an agreement then this becomes a fault divorce and I would subpeona text messages, GPS records, phone records, email correspondance, and the other women and then all this mess is going to come out. And given the fact that the main woman involved works with him and is very concerned about losing her job and such I am guessing he doesn't really want this to happen. I don't know if I do just because I am worried about what I might find out but then again maybe that will help me get over things faster too if we do split. But I am definitely not going to get screwed in this. Right now I am just being nice. I am not going to fight anymore in front of my kids. I have done enough damage to them in the last year with that and it has to stop. So I try to be positive when i get home from work and not cry and be angry. I save that for the drive in and back home and sometimes the privacy of my office. I talk to him like things are normal and I guess in some ways the way he has been leading me on I am not leading him on. Trying to make him think this is all going to be all nicey nicey for everyone and he will get what he wants. Not really the case though. I am not going to cave. I refuse to cave. Even if we work things out. I am not going to cave. I know I did things wrong and I need to change. But he has alot of work to do as well.
March 23, 2010 - 1:51pmThis Comment
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