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Thanks for the recommendation. It looks good. I will have to try and check that out at the bookstore. He is not one for reading on stuff like this. Probably part of the problems all these years. He thinks he has all the answers. You see how well that has worked. He asked me what I wanted yesterday from him. I told him that I wanted us to continue counseling together and separate and to learn to see the people we are today no the people we were so that from there we can decide whether we wanted to move forward together or separate. Then I asked him what he wanted from me and he said I told you. I just want peace and want out. So I said basically you want me to let you go. He said yes. I told him that I couldn't and it wasn't that east and that I wouldn't give up without a fight. He just said okay.

I don't know what to take from that. I want so badly for him to be happy again. And for us to be happy together as a family. My oldest son asked me for another brother last night. And I just looked at his innocent little face and tried not to cry. What could I say. Daddy doesn't love me so I can't give you another brother. I am trying to hold it together, to not be sad. But it is so hard. It is so painful to look at him everyday and know that in his mind I am not his wife anymore. He washed my car last night and I cooked him something to eat. We sat and watched a show together and talked and laughed and then went upstairs to separate rooms and said good night like friends. It hurt me so bad. I wanted him to come back to our room. I wanted him to hold me and be with me and I just don't know if that will ever happen again.