Wow, honestly I have tried so hard not to think about it. Yes, I think I am afraid that he will actually do it. And then when he does I am afraid that instead of him realizing he made a mistake he will realize that it was the best thing he ever did, and I don't know if I can face that. I am afraid that I will be consumed with constantly wondering where he is and what he is doing and who he is doing it with, even though I am doing that even now. I am afriad of being alone and not having anyone to share things with like the burden of our kids dialy lives. I am afraid of the thought of having to start over with someone new. The thought of someone else touching me or being around my kids. I am afriad I can't maintain my house alone, not necessarily the finance part but the maintenance part. But mostly I am afraid of losing my best friend. I mean even throughout all of this, we continue to text duriong the day and discuss daily things at work and what not. And I don't want to lose that.
If it did happen, yeah I guess it would be somewhat of a more peaceful house. And I guess it would finally allow me to know where I am in my life, married or not married.
I have been trying to function as if I don't owe him anything the last few weeks. Coming and going and leaving the kids with him alone for the entire day and things like that. So that he realizes that this is how it would be and that I do in fact do a lot in addition to working a 40 work week. And that maybe that is the reason I became thier mom and not so fun anymore.
I have been with this person for the last 16 years. The most we have ever been apart was 3 weeks right after we got married when I had to travel for work. And then maybe a week or a few days at a time here and there over the years. I am SO SCARED of not seeing him every day in our house. I am SO SCARED of starting over. I am SO SCARED of telling my family and friends that my husband walked out on me and facing that humiliation.
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Wow, honestly I have tried so hard not to think about it. Yes, I think I am afraid that he will actually do it. And then when he does I am afraid that instead of him realizing he made a mistake he will realize that it was the best thing he ever did, and I don't know if I can face that. I am afraid that I will be consumed with constantly wondering where he is and what he is doing and who he is doing it with, even though I am doing that even now. I am afriad of being alone and not having anyone to share things with like the burden of our kids dialy lives. I am afraid of the thought of having to start over with someone new. The thought of someone else touching me or being around my kids. I am afriad I can't maintain my house alone, not necessarily the finance part but the maintenance part. But mostly I am afraid of losing my best friend. I mean even throughout all of this, we continue to text duriong the day and discuss daily things at work and what not. And I don't want to lose that.
If it did happen, yeah I guess it would be somewhat of a more peaceful house. And I guess it would finally allow me to know where I am in my life, married or not married.
I have been trying to function as if I don't owe him anything the last few weeks. Coming and going and leaving the kids with him alone for the entire day and things like that. So that he realizes that this is how it would be and that I do in fact do a lot in addition to working a 40 work week. And that maybe that is the reason I became thier mom and not so fun anymore.
I have been with this person for the last 16 years. The most we have ever been apart was 3 weeks right after we got married when I had to travel for work. And then maybe a week or a few days at a time here and there over the years. I am SO SCARED of not seeing him every day in our house. I am SO SCARED of starting over. I am SO SCARED of telling my family and friends that my husband walked out on me and facing that humiliation.
April 13, 2010 - 10:51amThis Comment
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