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Anonymous
I thought I was the only one in this boat! I have been with my BF for 3.5 years, of which the last 1.5 years has been long distance. We had been planning on relocating to a warmer climate and I was offered a job and took it. We email/text and talk to each other daily. I know he genuinely cares for me and he does tell me that he loves me. He does sweet things for me like download my favorite movie, or purchase a self defense ring for me to wear when I am out walking. When we first met the sex was good but very few and far between. If things go as I no doubt will, as of this 2016 Christmas day it will have been 3 years since we last had sex. As a back story, he would complain of some pain "down there" after orgasm and did have it looked at. Nothing major, thankfully. I would bring up his lack of attention and absolute zero sex issues with him. He mentioned my weight as well as his being a factor and that having a healthier weight is more attractive. I am not defending his statement, at the time I was quite large and had already been improving myself by dropping a lot of weight. It is certainly not something that anyone wants to hear, but he is sincere when he says something even if it stings. Fast forward 3 years now and I am now down to a weight that I was in high school. He himself has improved and dropped 20 pounds, but I have always thought he looked sexy. I recently went back to NY to help him with some moving issues and I guess I was expecting too much. I had these grand ideas that he would not be able to control himself and rip my clothes off me. Not the case. I want to blame it on the stress of packing and moving, feeling awkward at not seeing each other in 9 months etc. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but hope I am not fooling myself in the process.
He is finally moving out to be with me in the next week. The rest of our belongings are on their way. We had a interesting discussion on the phone the other night regarding sex. He says that at the age of 52, sex is not a big priority in his life. I am 45 and I am still very much interested in being with him sexually. Being with someone that has the same values, likes, dislikes, similar hobbies, someone that you are compatible with, someone that you know has your back and cares how your day is going is what is important to him. He says he is willing to work on the one part of our relationship that is not functioning. I realize that looks and sex fade and are not the cement that holds relationship foundations together. I have never wanted a relationship that was ALL about sex. Little did I know that I would be in the exact opposite kind of relationship that has no sex at all. I'm at a loss of what to do. Do you walk away from someone that you love and know they love you because you don't feel like a woman around them, you don't feel desired or wanted. Are those reasons to cash in your chips? I think I need to work on fixing my own self esteem more and love the person that I am. I use to always love me. Funny how that embarrassment of rejection can destroy your confidence so quickly. Any advice?
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I thought I was the only one in this boat! I have been with my BF for 3.5 years, of which the last 1.5 years has been long distance. We had been planning on relocating to a warmer climate and I was offered a job and took it. We email/text and talk to each other daily. I know he genuinely cares for me and he does tell me that he loves me. He does sweet things for me like download my favorite movie, or purchase a self defense ring for me to wear when I am out walking. When we first met the sex was good but very few and far between. If things go as I no doubt will, as of this 2016 Christmas day it will have been 3 years since we last had sex. As a back story, he would complain of some pain "down there" after orgasm and did have it looked at. Nothing major, thankfully. I would bring up his lack of attention and absolute zero sex issues with him. He mentioned my weight as well as his being a factor and that having a healthier weight is more attractive. I am not defending his statement, at the time I was quite large and had already been improving myself by dropping a lot of weight. It is certainly not something that anyone wants to hear, but he is sincere when he says something even if it stings. Fast forward 3 years now and I am now down to a weight that I was in high school. He himself has improved and dropped 20 pounds, but I have always thought he looked sexy. I recently went back to NY to help him with some moving issues and I guess I was expecting too much. I had these grand ideas that he would not be able to control himself and rip my clothes off me. Not the case. I want to blame it on the stress of packing and moving, feeling awkward at not seeing each other in 9 months etc. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but hope I am not fooling myself in the process.
He is finally moving out to be with me in the next week. The rest of our belongings are on their way. We had a interesting discussion on the phone the other night regarding sex. He says that at the age of 52, sex is not a big priority in his life. I am 45 and I am still very much interested in being with him sexually. Being with someone that has the same values, likes, dislikes, similar hobbies, someone that you are compatible with, someone that you know has your back and cares how your day is going is what is important to him. He says he is willing to work on the one part of our relationship that is not functioning. I realize that looks and sex fade and are not the cement that holds relationship foundations together. I have never wanted a relationship that was ALL about sex. Little did I know that I would be in the exact opposite kind of relationship that has no sex at all. I'm at a loss of what to do. Do you walk away from someone that you love and know they love you because you don't feel like a woman around them, you don't feel desired or wanted. Are those reasons to cash in your chips? I think I need to work on fixing my own self esteem more and love the person that I am. I use to always love me. Funny how that embarrassment of rejection can destroy your confidence so quickly. Any advice?
Confused
October 31, 2016 - 11:29pmThis Comment
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