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I've been in somewhat that situation. I knew about my husbands struggle with porn before we married, but I don't think it bothered me as much then because we were having sex consistently. Days after we were married though, I would get home to a completely locked house, and I found out he was downloading porn and masturbating to it, yet we weren't having sex. He blamed it on the fact that I was upset, which I don't believe because he's attempted to initiate sex on other occasions when Ive been upset. He said he would stop. On one occasion I walked onto the balcony and noticed he was hidinghiding his phone so I asked him what's up and he said he was just texting his friend. Minutes later it came out he was looking up sex real dolls. After this lie, my trust was extremely broken and I was constantly suspicious. I checked his computer and constantly brought porn up when I was upset. The hardest thing for me now is that on the day before my birthday, he decided to get drunk, which is another addiction that he struggles with. We got into a loud argument, which is consistent when alcohol is involved. The porn issue came up, I stomped off to bed. I awoke the next day (my birthday) got on the computer, and was heartbroken and horrified to find that during the night, he had downloaded numerous rape porn videos. I asked him about it and first he denied it and said he didn't know, then that he didn't remember, then he said that he did it because he actually wanted to get off (he has issues getting and maintaining an erection and reaching orgasm) and this really cut me because I have felt inadequate to please him when these things happen and I get angry that I've found socks with sperm), and he also partially blamed it on me staying that since I was always accusing him if doing it (I don't think I was accusing him, checking his computer is holding him accountable to his promise and me being suspicious about it constantly as part if the territory that comes with him lying to me about it more than once, even after interventions), he might as well do it. This hurt me so much that even on my birthday I wasn't good enough :'( I feel like he did it intentionally but he says no. I'm not sure though because we've had that same argument numerous times, yet on my birthday is when he decided to leave that porn there for me to find. I feel that every birthday from now on us ruined because I will always remember that one which us the first of mine we shared together. I'm at the point where I feel like I'll never please him or satisfy him sexually. He says porn both comforts and excites him and it makes me feel like my body and sex don't do either for him :( He tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy but its hard to believe that he really thinks that. I used to love my body, I loved walking around the house naked, now I hardly do that and when I do, it has to be when he's not there. I've lost some weight and am trying to lose more, and I'm saving up money to get breast implants. I don't know what else I can do to please him and I've asked him what I can do but he ignores that question. I'm so sad and lost :(