I am very uncomfortable with forums, but I feel that this may be a good place to get other people's thoughts on this particular subject. I have been thinking about this seriously for months now and have sought advice from professionals as well as my parents who are both very well-educated in this field as they are mental health professionals who have worked with autistic individuals. I have been dating a man who is mildly autistic--he is high-functioning and has been incredibly fortunate to have parents who have been extremely attentive to his needs since he was born so he has been able to overcome many of the obstacles autistic individuals often face. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he suffered from mild autism when he told me because of how well he functioned with daily tasks and social situations. Especially with social cues and eye contact. As our time together progressed I started to see what he struggles with. For sake of preventing this to be too lengthy, I'll just say that what he struggles with I have learned how to handle and how to approach him about my needs, his needs, etc. It can be challenging at times, but in the end it only strengthens our connection as opposed to costing us emotionally. His parents are very approving of our relationship and so are mine. Which brings me to why I am writing this...intimacy. It took us a long time to develop in the physical aspect of our relationship and understandably so. We kiss, hold hands, and make-out. He becomes very nervous and struggles with confidence and that is partially a factor as to why we haven't actually had sex. However, I think in the end the reason it hasn't happened is because of me. I also think that because we haven't had sex yet is hurting his confidence. Him suffering from mild-autism keeps eating at me when it comes to sex because I don't want to feel like I am at all taking advantage or victimizing him in any way. I know I wouldn't be and he has expressed numerous times the desire to share it with me and that is he more than ready. I think it's just a mindset I've put myself in that I've struggled to get out of. We are deeply in love with each other and we have been together for a long time and I know we are both needing that intimacy--should I just stop thinking so much and let it happen finally? I'm worried the longer I wait I could upset my boyfriend and I don't want to--he understands, but still struggles grasping the full breadth of my concerns. I know the answer is yes we should just do it. I am dying to. I really just need support from a place that isn't my parents or close friend because I have talked their ears off so much with this subject. (I'm lucky my dad can handle the sex topic )Any thoughts would be appreciated, thank you.
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I am very uncomfortable with forums, but I feel that this may be a good place to get other people's thoughts on this particular subject. I have been thinking about this seriously for months now and have sought advice from professionals as well as my parents who are both very well-educated in this field as they are mental health professionals who have worked with autistic individuals. I have been dating a man who is mildly autistic--he is high-functioning and has been incredibly fortunate to have parents who have been extremely attentive to his needs since he was born so he has been able to overcome many of the obstacles autistic individuals often face. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he suffered from mild autism when he told me because of how well he functioned with daily tasks and social situations. Especially with social cues and eye contact. As our time together progressed I started to see what he struggles with. For sake of preventing this to be too lengthy, I'll just say that what he struggles with I have learned how to handle and how to approach him about my needs, his needs, etc. It can be challenging at times, but in the end it only strengthens our connection as opposed to costing us emotionally. His parents are very approving of our relationship and so are mine. Which brings me to why I am writing this...intimacy. It took us a long time to develop in the physical aspect of our relationship and understandably so. We kiss, hold hands, and make-out. He becomes very nervous and struggles with confidence and that is partially a factor as to why we haven't actually had sex. However, I think in the end the reason it hasn't happened is because of me. I also think that because we haven't had sex yet is hurting his confidence. Him suffering from mild-autism keeps eating at me when it comes to sex because I don't want to feel like I am at all taking advantage or victimizing him in any way. I know I wouldn't be and he has expressed numerous times the desire to share it with me and that is he more than ready. I think it's just a mindset I've put myself in that I've struggled to get out of. We are deeply in love with each other and we have been together for a long time and I know we are both needing that intimacy--should I just stop thinking so much and let it happen finally? I'm worried the longer I wait I could upset my boyfriend and I don't want to--he understands, but still struggles grasping the full breadth of my concerns. I know the answer is yes we should just do it. I am dying to. I really just need support from a place that isn't my parents or close friend because I have talked their ears off so much with this subject. (I'm lucky my dad can handle the sex topic )Any thoughts would be appreciated, thank you.
December 11, 2012 - 4:24pmThis Comment
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