First experience with this at 50. In Jan. 2013 I started communicating with a 54-yr-old guy on a dating site. He moved along to phone calls and then asked me to dinner. He had a lot going for him in terms of job/home/financial stability and we had an uncanny amount in common, both in background and interests. When our eyes met in the parking lot, I was incredibly physically atracted to him as well. His grooming was great and so was his style. Turned out his divorce from a 30 year marriage was just final a month before.
However, he was such a chatterbox when we sat down that I couldn't read the menu. I took it as nervous attraction so thought that was a good sign of mutual attraction, something that has rarely, if ever, happened in my life. At the end of the evening he laid a smooch kiss on me in the foyer of the restaurant in front of all the waiting patrons! But I was excited by it and happy to see his attraction for me. He smooched me again in gthe parking lot.
Well, he didn't initiate any further contact with me after that but, if
I initiated contact he would respond almost all of the time. So that kept me going. I asked him out for a 2nd date and he went (and kissed me good-bye with an "I'll be talkin' to ya") but continued not to initiate any contact after that.
A month later I texted him with a suggestion for a 3rd date and added that "maybe I've scared you off with my shameless flirting." He called me and said he really liked my idea but described several things on his plate. He added, "I'm just giving you all this detail because I want you to understand that I really want to do this but it just won't be this week. Then he added, "And you didn't scare me off with your aggressiveness. I like aggressive women...in bed...and you can take that any way you want to." I was caught so off guard and just said, "oookay." I figured I'd leave it up to him to get back with me and he never did.
Another month later I called him and he really vented about his family, mostly his heroin addicted grown son. At the end of the call I told him, if he couldn't work me in in person (something I assumed because of the issue with the son), I'd really love it if he would call me and catch up now and then. He sounded very sincere and said he would, even reiterated that he would just before we hung up.
Well story short, he never did and ended up being exclusive with someone else for 5 months. I then heard it ended so I contacted him and we met for drinks in December. This was our 3rd date, 9 months after our 2nd date. He was a chatterbox again and ran at the mouth, talking "at me" for 3 hrs. This time right in the restaurant bar he patted my butt! Then when we kissed good-night in the parking lot (more smooches, I suspected he's not into tongue), he grabbed my left butt cheek and said, "What do you think of that?" I said, "nice hand," smiled and walked to my car as he shouted exuberantly, "I'll be talkin' to ya real soon!" I hoped he would follow through but he didn't.
It just never made sense. Narcissistic? Attachment disorder? They didn't quite seem like a fit but something was going on. Then I stumbled on an article about Asperger's and thought he had a lot of the features (though has great eye contact and seems to like physical contact). Odd but it made me feel a lot better A) knowing there's a label for him, B) knowing I don't need to take the lack of reciprocity personally and C) (hate to admit) he's such a catch in so many ways - the best of my lifetime anyway - that I was glad to feel he would probably fail with anyone else and that I'd have more of a chance if I stay patient.
I last interacted with him via text in February and soon after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and am in chemo and lost my hair. I haven't told him about it but yesterday sent him a friendly self (in my attractive wig) and text. No response yet. He had prostate cancer 3 yrs ago and told me that on our 3rd date.
I REALLY like this guy and want him in my life in some capacity. I'm tempted to tell him about the cancer and ask him if he can be a friend to me through it since he's been there. I'm planning to call him tomorrow and leave a v-mail asking him to call me so we can catch up.
Comment Reply
First experience with this at 50. In Jan. 2013 I started communicating with a 54-yr-old guy on a dating site. He moved along to phone calls and then asked me to dinner. He had a lot going for him in terms of job/home/financial stability and we had an uncanny amount in common, both in background and interests. When our eyes met in the parking lot, I was incredibly physically atracted to him as well. His grooming was great and so was his style. Turned out his divorce from a 30 year marriage was just final a month before.
However, he was such a chatterbox when we sat down that I couldn't read the menu. I took it as nervous attraction so thought that was a good sign of mutual attraction, something that has rarely, if ever, happened in my life. At the end of the evening he laid a smooch kiss on me in the foyer of the restaurant in front of all the waiting patrons! But I was excited by it and happy to see his attraction for me. He smooched me again in gthe parking lot.
Well, he didn't initiate any further contact with me after that but, if
I initiated contact he would respond almost all of the time. So that kept me going. I asked him out for a 2nd date and he went (and kissed me good-bye with an "I'll be talkin' to ya") but continued not to initiate any contact after that.
A month later I texted him with a suggestion for a 3rd date and added that "maybe I've scared you off with my shameless flirting." He called me and said he really liked my idea but described several things on his plate. He added, "I'm just giving you all this detail because I want you to understand that I really want to do this but it just won't be this week. Then he added, "And you didn't scare me off with your aggressiveness. I like aggressive women...in bed...and you can take that any way you want to." I was caught so off guard and just said, "oookay." I figured I'd leave it up to him to get back with me and he never did.
Another month later I called him and he really vented about his family, mostly his heroin addicted grown son. At the end of the call I told him, if he couldn't work me in in person (something I assumed because of the issue with the son), I'd really love it if he would call me and catch up now and then. He sounded very sincere and said he would, even reiterated that he would just before we hung up.
Well story short, he never did and ended up being exclusive with someone else for 5 months. I then heard it ended so I contacted him and we met for drinks in December. This was our 3rd date, 9 months after our 2nd date. He was a chatterbox again and ran at the mouth, talking "at me" for 3 hrs. This time right in the restaurant bar he patted my butt! Then when we kissed good-night in the parking lot (more smooches, I suspected he's not into tongue), he grabbed my left butt cheek and said, "What do you think of that?" I said, "nice hand," smiled and walked to my car as he shouted exuberantly, "I'll be talkin' to ya real soon!" I hoped he would follow through but he didn't.
It just never made sense. Narcissistic? Attachment disorder? They didn't quite seem like a fit but something was going on. Then I stumbled on an article about Asperger's and thought he had a lot of the features (though has great eye contact and seems to like physical contact). Odd but it made me feel a lot better A) knowing there's a label for him, B) knowing I don't need to take the lack of reciprocity personally and C) (hate to admit) he's such a catch in so many ways - the best of my lifetime anyway - that I was glad to feel he would probably fail with anyone else and that I'd have more of a chance if I stay patient.
I last interacted with him via text in February and soon after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and am in chemo and lost my hair. I haven't told him about it but yesterday sent him a friendly self (in my attractive wig) and text. No response yet. He had prostate cancer 3 yrs ago and told me that on our 3rd date.
I REALLY like this guy and want him in my life in some capacity. I'm tempted to tell him about the cancer and ask him if he can be a friend to me through it since he's been there. I'm planning to call him tomorrow and leave a v-mail asking him to call me so we can catch up.
Informed and hopeful but maybe shouldn't be?
May 21, 2014 - 3:26pmThis Comment
Reply