Amk3,
I can understand why you are frustrated! You have been dating your boyfriend (both mutually exclusive?) for three years, and NOW he wants to play games? He says he wants to "chase you", he does not want to "tire" of physical intimacy, and he wants you to "play hard to get". He wants you to "stop always asking for intimacy".
I have two thoughts about this:
1. Assuming the positive, that he is just a poor communicator, perhaps he wants your physical intimacy to be more interesting and to add some "spice" to the relationship. Perhaps he does not know any other way but to play these silly games that sound more like a fleeting high school relationship than a serious, committed relationship. How old is he? I'm wondering if he has been influenced by a recent movie, or his friends, or has received the message somewhere (family values, perhaps) that women should not be so forward in their sexuality. This is common, and if he could communicate with you that he believes women should behave in certain ways...then you two can begin talking about how this is a hurtful stereotype, and you believe that women should be able to express their sexuality (and have their partner WANT them to express their needs, desires and "wants").
My other thought, not so positive:
2. He is not communicating his true thoughts and feelings, and you can not "make him". What you can do is use this time to really listen to yourself: what do YOU want in a relationship? Do you want to play games after 3 years? Do you want to be able to express yourself to your partner, and let him know you are interested in sex or intimacy? Think about what your needs are, and if he is fulfilling your needs (beyond his gripes above). You only mentioned what HIS side of the conversation was, and it sounds like you are trying to please him and fit into what he wants you to do. You sound like a very strong, independent and thoughtful woman..what is YOUR side of the conversation? What do you want from a long-term relationship?
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Amk3,
I can understand why you are frustrated! You have been dating your boyfriend (both mutually exclusive?) for three years, and NOW he wants to play games? He says he wants to "chase you", he does not want to "tire" of physical intimacy, and he wants you to "play hard to get". He wants you to "stop always asking for intimacy".
I have two thoughts about this:
1. Assuming the positive, that he is just a poor communicator, perhaps he wants your physical intimacy to be more interesting and to add some "spice" to the relationship. Perhaps he does not know any other way but to play these silly games that sound more like a fleeting high school relationship than a serious, committed relationship. How old is he? I'm wondering if he has been influenced by a recent movie, or his friends, or has received the message somewhere (family values, perhaps) that women should not be so forward in their sexuality. This is common, and if he could communicate with you that he believes women should behave in certain ways...then you two can begin talking about how this is a hurtful stereotype, and you believe that women should be able to express their sexuality (and have their partner WANT them to express their needs, desires and "wants").
My other thought, not so positive:
July 22, 2010 - 8:25pm2. He is not communicating his true thoughts and feelings, and you can not "make him". What you can do is use this time to really listen to yourself: what do YOU want in a relationship? Do you want to play games after 3 years? Do you want to be able to express yourself to your partner, and let him know you are interested in sex or intimacy? Think about what your needs are, and if he is fulfilling your needs (beyond his gripes above). You only mentioned what HIS side of the conversation was, and it sounds like you are trying to please him and fit into what he wants you to do. You sound like a very strong, independent and thoughtful woman..what is YOUR side of the conversation? What do you want from a long-term relationship?
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