Hi,
It is frustrating, but you can still be sensitive to his needs if he is embarrassed, and realize it is a process for him to seek help. Since he has had physical problems in the past, how were these treated? Do you notice any triggers for him on the times when he has trouble?
There are so many men who have similar troubles, and there is an entire and very profitable pharmaceutical market targeted to them! A sex/marital therapist would be excellent for both of you: help him not feel as embarrassed and able to communicate to the one person he can be intimate with, both emotionally and physically. The therapist can help you with more understanding and how to possibly be open to his troubles, which can in turn help him not be so closed. (I am not suggesting that you are not empathetic, just the idea that you can let him know you both aren't going to therapy because of his "problem", but for you both to learn how to improve your relationship. He could even choose the therapist, if this would help).
If he is not willing to seek help right now, you are right..you can not "make him". You may choose to seek counseling for yourself, as a third-party would be ideal in your situation. Find a therapist who specializes in marital and sex therapy, and s/he can help guide you toward next steps.
A few suggestions (every marriage is different; that is why it is so difficult to provide "answers" via email and an in-person therapist would greatly help..even just a few session!). A few ideas:
- Talk with your husband during a particularly happy, carefree time, when you are both feeling emotionally close. Tell him that you love him, and look forward to the time when he feels more comfortable with you, to trust you to appropriately respond to his intimate feelings and fears. You are happy to be on his team, you appreciate everything he does, and you are here for him.
I don't want to stereotype all men, but many men do have basic desires to be understood, not feel ridiculed for their fears, and to feel appreciated. Maybe some simple words would help, without expectation of a response...expect it to be a long process with small steps.
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Hi,
It is frustrating, but you can still be sensitive to his needs if he is embarrassed, and realize it is a process for him to seek help. Since he has had physical problems in the past, how were these treated? Do you notice any triggers for him on the times when he has trouble?
There are so many men who have similar troubles, and there is an entire and very profitable pharmaceutical market targeted to them! A sex/marital therapist would be excellent for both of you: help him not feel as embarrassed and able to communicate to the one person he can be intimate with, both emotionally and physically. The therapist can help you with more understanding and how to possibly be open to his troubles, which can in turn help him not be so closed. (I am not suggesting that you are not empathetic, just the idea that you can let him know you both aren't going to therapy because of his "problem", but for you both to learn how to improve your relationship. He could even choose the therapist, if this would help).
If he is not willing to seek help right now, you are right..you can not "make him". You may choose to seek counseling for yourself, as a third-party would be ideal in your situation. Find a therapist who specializes in marital and sex therapy, and s/he can help guide you toward next steps.
A few suggestions (every marriage is different; that is why it is so difficult to provide "answers" via email and an in-person therapist would greatly help..even just a few session!). A few ideas:
- Talk with your husband during a particularly happy, carefree time, when you are both feeling emotionally close. Tell him that you love him, and look forward to the time when he feels more comfortable with you, to trust you to appropriately respond to his intimate feelings and fears. You are happy to be on his team, you appreciate everything he does, and you are here for him.
I don't want to stereotype all men, but many men do have basic desires to be understood, not feel ridiculed for their fears, and to feel appreciated. Maybe some simple words would help, without expectation of a response...expect it to be a long process with small steps.
- EmpowHER's Dr. Marty has some great relationship advie, too: My husband has lost sexual interest in me, what should I do?.
I hope some of these suggestions help!
Would you like more information on male sexual dysfunction?
July 29, 2010 - 6:17pmThis Comment
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