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For most of my life I have been mistreated to say it lightly. It has made me who I am. Man. Do I shine. I know people see god in me. I have so many strengths. So much love. Yet I seemed to fail epicly in my current relationship. I can't breathe. I can't be free. It's like all the good things in me is what makes my foot to walk in Front of the other. It hides the pain inside. I have learned to help other people to not focus on what's really wrong. It's seems like I get lost in my mind of what it needs to be and if it's not this way I lose control. Everything that I have done that was good or right ain't good enough then the dark starts to rise in me n comes out. Right when it's my turn. My turn to finally feel like I'm someone. It's like there is a part of me that don't want me to be happy and I battle it like a war. I know God. I repeat his promises I speak them out loud I believe in them I live them. But in this storm I'm blind n I have ruined the good cute beautiful women I worked so hard to be. In the eyes of another. My pain has pushed it away so far it will never come back. Will I ever be free from me.