Hi,
This does sound emotionally draining, and I think your last sentences are the most important clues:
"he says it's not me and hes just tired and has alot on his mind."
"he's very laid back and simple and doesn't like to do much."
"he's doesn't compromise very well and is stubborn."
"i do all the compromsing usually."
"i'm always giving and hes always taking."
Your boyfriend has a lot of great qualities that you mentioned, but the qualities that you are having trouble with are listed above (quoted from your original post). Interestingly, you asked the question, "where am i going wrong?". Why would you think you are doing anything wrong, or somehow caused these undesirable qualities?
Every person has desirable and not-so-desirable qualities.
In a relationship, the trick is to:
a) find the not-so-desirable qualities of the other person somewhat manageable
b) have your own not-so-desirable qualities be seen as manageable by your partner
c) both individuals be open and flexible to striving to improve (or at least lessen) these undesirable qualities
If his undesirable qualities are not manageable to you, plus he is not willing to change or discuss your concerns, you two may not be as compatible as you are hoping. I know you both feel strongly for each other's children, and as you said that is HUGE, but perhaps there is someone else who feels strongly about your children AND can show you affection, compromise, energy, concern for your feelings, excitement, passion....
You describe this man as laid back, simple, uncompromising, tired, interested in TV and falling asleep on the couch. Another thought: is he depressed? What made you fall in love with him in the first place, and has he changed since that time?
My main red flag in a relationship: a person can have negative aspects, but if they are unwilling to be concerned about your feelings, it tells me that he may not be that interested or invested in the relationship as you are.
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Hi,
This does sound emotionally draining, and I think your last sentences are the most important clues:
"he says it's not me and hes just tired and has alot on his mind."
"he's very laid back and simple and doesn't like to do much."
"he's doesn't compromise very well and is stubborn."
"i do all the compromsing usually."
"i'm always giving and hes always taking."
Your boyfriend has a lot of great qualities that you mentioned, but the qualities that you are having trouble with are listed above (quoted from your original post). Interestingly, you asked the question, "where am i going wrong?". Why would you think you are doing anything wrong, or somehow caused these undesirable qualities?
Every person has desirable and not-so-desirable qualities.
In a relationship, the trick is to:
a) find the not-so-desirable qualities of the other person somewhat manageable
b) have your own not-so-desirable qualities be seen as manageable by your partner
c) both individuals be open and flexible to striving to improve (or at least lessen) these undesirable qualities
If his undesirable qualities are not manageable to you, plus he is not willing to change or discuss your concerns, you two may not be as compatible as you are hoping. I know you both feel strongly for each other's children, and as you said that is HUGE, but perhaps there is someone else who feels strongly about your children AND can show you affection, compromise, energy, concern for your feelings, excitement, passion....
You describe this man as laid back, simple, uncompromising, tired, interested in TV and falling asleep on the couch. Another thought: is he depressed? What made you fall in love with him in the first place, and has he changed since that time?
My main red flag in a relationship: a person can have negative aspects, but if they are unwilling to be concerned about your feelings, it tells me that he may not be that interested or invested in the relationship as you are.
December 9, 2010 - 12:08pmThis Comment
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