You sound very mature in your writing, as you have thought through the problem, identified some of the issues, and now YOU must decide to change your behaviors.
You can take a small step, one-day at a time. The most important piece of advice that I actually read from another woman on this site: "Sometimes we make someone TOO important to us". Even married couples who have been together for decades are still individual, unique, independent people. If they were to divorce, they would be emotionally devastated...but can physically function and become emotionally strong again. It is all about choices.
Your choices:
1. Find something you are passionate about. What do you LOVE to do, what gets you out of bed in the morning, what are you excited about and look forward to that does not include your boyfriend? Is it a hobby, talent, physical activity, nature..what is it that makes you, YOU. People need to have passions in their life, and it makes them more interesting to be around.
2. Find support. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, learn how to build it up for yourself and not rely on any person to do it for you. What are you good at? What do you like about yourself? Do you have family and friends who love you? Spend time with them, and if you are courageous...ask them why they like you. What are your best qualities? Knowing what others see in you can help you see them in yourself (if you don't already). Of COURSE someone else would love you; that's an excuse to stay with someone because of fear.
3. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What if your boyfriend did leave you suddenly, what would happen to you? I think Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing you fear most", and by that, you need to live as if YOU are the most important thing in your life. You must live as if you are helping others, thinking less about yourself. Volunteer your time. Face your fears of the unknown, and develop good coping skills as well as learn to become strong and independent. Only with these qualities will you find the man who wants a woman with these qualities. Please know: this is not all your fault. I am sure that your boyfriend is enabling your behavior in some degree, as he may have low self-esteem too, to want a woman with low self-esteem. If he is strong and independent, he will feel secure enough to let you know: I want a woman who is strong, independent, interesting and fun! He would then back-up this with not tugging you back if you become independent and strong; if he has high self-esteem, he will not be threatened if you go away for the weekend, if you find a new talent or hobby. If you are passionate about something besides just him.
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Hi leannek87,
You sound very mature in your writing, as you have thought through the problem, identified some of the issues, and now YOU must decide to change your behaviors.
You can take a small step, one-day at a time. The most important piece of advice that I actually read from another woman on this site: "Sometimes we make someone TOO important to us". Even married couples who have been together for decades are still individual, unique, independent people. If they were to divorce, they would be emotionally devastated...but can physically function and become emotionally strong again. It is all about choices.
Your choices:
1. Find something you are passionate about. What do you LOVE to do, what gets you out of bed in the morning, what are you excited about and look forward to that does not include your boyfriend? Is it a hobby, talent, physical activity, nature..what is it that makes you, YOU. People need to have passions in their life, and it makes them more interesting to be around.
2. Find support. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, learn how to build it up for yourself and not rely on any person to do it for you. What are you good at? What do you like about yourself? Do you have family and friends who love you? Spend time with them, and if you are courageous...ask them why they like you. What are your best qualities? Knowing what others see in you can help you see them in yourself (if you don't already). Of COURSE someone else would love you; that's an excuse to stay with someone because of fear.
3. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What if your boyfriend did leave you suddenly, what would happen to you? I think Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing you fear most", and by that, you need to live as if YOU are the most important thing in your life. You must live as if you are helping others, thinking less about yourself. Volunteer your time. Face your fears of the unknown, and develop good coping skills as well as learn to become strong and independent. Only with these qualities will you find the man who wants a woman with these qualities. Please know: this is not all your fault. I am sure that your boyfriend is enabling your behavior in some degree, as he may have low self-esteem too, to want a woman with low self-esteem. If he is strong and independent, he will feel secure enough to let you know: I want a woman who is strong, independent, interesting and fun! He would then back-up this with not tugging you back if you become independent and strong; if he has high self-esteem, he will not be threatened if you go away for the weekend, if you find a new talent or hobby. If you are passionate about something besides just him.
Good luck!
December 23, 2010 - 12:13pmThis Comment
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