I'm sorry but I don't agree with this comment at all.
As a child of divorced parents ALSO, your children WILL understand, eventually. Children of divorced parents have to grow up very fast. I never blamed myself for their divorce. I knew better. Unfortunately, I had to have an adult perspective on things at a very young age, and I saw it for what it was. Your children probably already see things in a certain way, we always assume children don't know what they actually do. They are such perceptive little beings.
If they don't understand, well, you know what you know. You know you were subjected to abuse. You know it was important for your sanity and health and wellbeing as a human to leave, that's all that is needed. You can be supportive and present for your children through a divorce, and yes you can choose to not bad talk the other parent.
Had my parents NOT divorced, I would have probably been subjected to witnessing even MORE abuse than I did. My father not only beat my mother, but verbally & sexually abused her, myself and my sister. She actually DIDN'T leave, not until he ditched her for someone 18 years younger than him, at the time a 19 year old girl who is now still married to him over 20 years later (who has also been subjected to serious physical, emotional and sexual abuse). My mother took this commenter's advice, staying because she felt selfish for trying to leave. She tried to stick it out and put her sanity & emotional well being second, thinking it would make my sister and I happy or better. Wrong. WRONG. WROOOONG.
You need to take care of yourself FIRST. As they say on airplanes, you put your air mask on first and then put your child's mask on. If you are not caring for yourself as a human, as a person, tending to your own value as an individual, you will NEVER be able to be the present mother you hope to be. Or more important, you will never be happy and whole, something you likely long for. Society has this f-ed up thing it does to women "children before you at all costs". I'm sorry, but it's not wrong to say "me first, so that I can take proper care of my child".
That is a load of bull that we don't live for ourselves and our happiness, but only for our children, and that she doesn't have the luxury of making selfish decisions. What the hell? It is our birthright to be happy, to treat ourselves with love, to live a fulfilled life. If that means leaving an abusive relationship, then by God do it. Most women who have lived in abuse NEED to be selfish.
As a now 30 year old, I know that my parents divorce (when I was 5 years old) was the right thing to do. My father is a narcissist, and my mother was a victim of abuse. I see it for what it is and what it was. Do I have a favorite parent? Yes, my mother. However my mother NEVER spoke poorly of my father, and never actually told us about the extent of the abuse until we were much older, and until we asked. She knew that my father would show us his true colors and he did, over and over again. I was able to see him for who he is. She actually made a huge effort to befriend my step-mother, the woman he was cheating on my mother with for a few years, so that my sister and I would be happy. I admire my mother.
Please don't listen to this person. It is not selfish, in any way, to value yourself and take action to end a cycle of abuse. It is not selfish. This is a load of crap.
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What the hell.
I'm sorry but I don't agree with this comment at all.
As a child of divorced parents ALSO, your children WILL understand, eventually. Children of divorced parents have to grow up very fast. I never blamed myself for their divorce. I knew better. Unfortunately, I had to have an adult perspective on things at a very young age, and I saw it for what it was. Your children probably already see things in a certain way, we always assume children don't know what they actually do. They are such perceptive little beings.
If they don't understand, well, you know what you know. You know you were subjected to abuse. You know it was important for your sanity and health and wellbeing as a human to leave, that's all that is needed. You can be supportive and present for your children through a divorce, and yes you can choose to not bad talk the other parent.
Had my parents NOT divorced, I would have probably been subjected to witnessing even MORE abuse than I did. My father not only beat my mother, but verbally & sexually abused her, myself and my sister. She actually DIDN'T leave, not until he ditched her for someone 18 years younger than him, at the time a 19 year old girl who is now still married to him over 20 years later (who has also been subjected to serious physical, emotional and sexual abuse). My mother took this commenter's advice, staying because she felt selfish for trying to leave. She tried to stick it out and put her sanity & emotional well being second, thinking it would make my sister and I happy or better. Wrong. WRONG. WROOOONG.
You need to take care of yourself FIRST. As they say on airplanes, you put your air mask on first and then put your child's mask on. If you are not caring for yourself as a human, as a person, tending to your own value as an individual, you will NEVER be able to be the present mother you hope to be. Or more important, you will never be happy and whole, something you likely long for. Society has this f-ed up thing it does to women "children before you at all costs". I'm sorry, but it's not wrong to say "me first, so that I can take proper care of my child".
That is a load of bull that we don't live for ourselves and our happiness, but only for our children, and that she doesn't have the luxury of making selfish decisions. What the hell? It is our birthright to be happy, to treat ourselves with love, to live a fulfilled life. If that means leaving an abusive relationship, then by God do it. Most women who have lived in abuse NEED to be selfish.
As a now 30 year old, I know that my parents divorce (when I was 5 years old) was the right thing to do. My father is a narcissist, and my mother was a victim of abuse. I see it for what it is and what it was. Do I have a favorite parent? Yes, my mother. However my mother NEVER spoke poorly of my father, and never actually told us about the extent of the abuse until we were much older, and until we asked. She knew that my father would show us his true colors and he did, over and over again. I was able to see him for who he is. She actually made a huge effort to befriend my step-mother, the woman he was cheating on my mother with for a few years, so that my sister and I would be happy. I admire my mother.
Please don't listen to this person. It is not selfish, in any way, to value yourself and take action to end a cycle of abuse. It is not selfish. This is a load of crap.
March 23, 2016 - 6:40pmThis Comment
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