Hi, is there someone there who can help me work out my situation? I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 children - 24 yrs, 23 yrs and 7 years. I barely know where to begin in the long, sad litany of unkindness from my husband. I believe my husband doesn't love me so when does his dislike of me start to become emotional abuse? I could go on and on and tell you a list of callousness from my husband but I think it is enough that you believe me when I tell you how he does not care one little bit for me. At the moment, he comes home from work at weekends...... except he doesn't unless he feels like it. He came home for Easter Sunday for less than 24 hours and then went to the cinema during the evening on his way back to his place of work. His office is in an annexe at his parents' house. A month ago he didn't come home and I found out after a few days that he was away skiing in Italy with his sister. When he is home, he literally barely speaks to me and refuses to share my bed, despite my requests. He lies to me without even thinking about it, usually saying he has to work but then I find he has been out with a friend or away for the weekend. He is very very tight with money. He pays our bills but I can't ever go clothes or shoe shopping because he doesn't give me enough to buy things. I find a way to buy things we need by getting things online instead of going to the shops. He never says anything kind or endearing to me. When we married, we left London and moved to a cottage in the middle of the countryside where the only neighbours were his parents. Quite a scary mother-in-law I have to say. My husband was always at their house, literally. I would not even know that my husband had gone up to their house as he never told me - just used to leave the house. I was just with our children, fields and no money. I found out my husband had a fling and forgave him but said we had to move houses or I would leave him (after 21 years in that house in the middle of nowhere - nearest shop 3 miles away for milk). He said ok as long as we moved only to either a particular city which was 2 hours away. I said yes as I was just so glad to move away from the geographical isolation as the neglect from my husband was enough isolation in itself. So now we are in the situation where I live in a small city 2 hours from his work (office in his parents' house) and he comes home when he pleases and when he does, he is fantastically rude. He doesn't even realize that he needs to see our youngest child. He never calls during the working week as he told me it's boring. (I ring him and sometimes, if I'm really lucky, he will pick up the phone. I don't know if he ignores the call or maybe doesn't have his phone with him though). He told me last weekend that he would come home this weekend but although I expected him last evening to return, he didn't and when I rang at 10pm to see where he was, he told me he had had a change of heart about coming this weekend. It didn't occur to him that a meal had been prepared or his daughter might be disappointed. It is all so lonely and I really don't know what to do any more. I haven't mentioned the unpleasant remarks (when I was pregnant he said 'do you ever wonder if everyone is looking at you thinking you are an older mother' etc ). What advice can there ever be? I either stay or leave but I totally committed to marriage when I married and feel so disappointed that the man I married is really quite vile to me but I don't think he even realizes that he is. I have wondered if he has some sort of Aspergers but I don't know. He doesn't engage with the people I have got to know in this new place which is a bit embarrassing too as then they might think my husband is strange. We were invited out to supper and he got up from their table before the end of the meal and said he was going to walk home (15 mins walk) and that I should follow later in the car. He was in the Territorial Army for many years and gave one of the female soldiers £200 but luckily the postman delivered her note of thanks to our house even though it was addressed to my husband at his parents' house. I rang a phone number on his phone bill about 15 years ago and a lady answered saying I had called 'a house of ill-repute' . My husband's excuse was that he had only rung them to upset me not because he had visited them. Is this emotional abuse or just a husband who doesn't love me?
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Hi, is there someone there who can help me work out my situation? I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 children - 24 yrs, 23 yrs and 7 years. I barely know where to begin in the long, sad litany of unkindness from my husband. I believe my husband doesn't love me so when does his dislike of me start to become emotional abuse? I could go on and on and tell you a list of callousness from my husband but I think it is enough that you believe me when I tell you how he does not care one little bit for me. At the moment, he comes home from work at weekends...... except he doesn't unless he feels like it. He came home for Easter Sunday for less than 24 hours and then went to the cinema during the evening on his way back to his place of work. His office is in an annexe at his parents' house. A month ago he didn't come home and I found out after a few days that he was away skiing in Italy with his sister. When he is home, he literally barely speaks to me and refuses to share my bed, despite my requests. He lies to me without even thinking about it, usually saying he has to work but then I find he has been out with a friend or away for the weekend. He is very very tight with money. He pays our bills but I can't ever go clothes or shoe shopping because he doesn't give me enough to buy things. I find a way to buy things we need by getting things online instead of going to the shops. He never says anything kind or endearing to me. When we married, we left London and moved to a cottage in the middle of the countryside where the only neighbours were his parents. Quite a scary mother-in-law I have to say. My husband was always at their house, literally. I would not even know that my husband had gone up to their house as he never told me - just used to leave the house. I was just with our children, fields and no money. I found out my husband had a fling and forgave him but said we had to move houses or I would leave him (after 21 years in that house in the middle of nowhere - nearest shop 3 miles away for milk). He said ok as long as we moved only to either a particular city which was 2 hours away. I said yes as I was just so glad to move away from the geographical isolation as the neglect from my husband was enough isolation in itself. So now we are in the situation where I live in a small city 2 hours from his work (office in his parents' house) and he comes home when he pleases and when he does, he is fantastically rude. He doesn't even realize that he needs to see our youngest child. He never calls during the working week as he told me it's boring. (I ring him and sometimes, if I'm really lucky, he will pick up the phone. I don't know if he ignores the call or maybe doesn't have his phone with him though). He told me last weekend that he would come home this weekend but although I expected him last evening to return, he didn't and when I rang at 10pm to see where he was, he told me he had had a change of heart about coming this weekend. It didn't occur to him that a meal had been prepared or his daughter might be disappointed. It is all so lonely and I really don't know what to do any more. I haven't mentioned the unpleasant remarks (when I was pregnant he said 'do you ever wonder if everyone is looking at you thinking you are an older mother' etc ). What advice can there ever be? I either stay or leave but I totally committed to marriage when I married and feel so disappointed that the man I married is really quite vile to me but I don't think he even realizes that he is. I have wondered if he has some sort of Aspergers but I don't know. He doesn't engage with the people I have got to know in this new place which is a bit embarrassing too as then they might think my husband is strange. We were invited out to supper and he got up from their table before the end of the meal and said he was going to walk home (15 mins walk) and that I should follow later in the car. He was in the Territorial Army for many years and gave one of the female soldiers £200 but luckily the postman delivered her note of thanks to our house even though it was addressed to my husband at his parents' house. I rang a phone number on his phone bill about 15 years ago and a lady answered saying I had called 'a house of ill-repute' . My husband's excuse was that he had only rung them to upset me not because he had visited them. Is this emotional abuse or just a husband who doesn't love me?
April 9, 2016 - 12:42pmThis Comment
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