As an abuse survivor, I appreciate your article and understand the angst from some of the readers in regards to the fact that abuse is not selective, abuse is abuse is abuse - men, women, old, young, rich, poor, etc, can be the victims of this dreaded controlling behavior. WIth that in mind, I must comment on the note that verbal abuse is 'visible' - I did not experience this and none of my clients have either. From my seat, verbal abuse is an insidious as emotional - most often verbal abuse is conducted in private and there are no witnesses to the behavior. I often told my ex-husband I wish he would hit me so others could see my pain. As you noted, the cycle of violence with all of the controlling behaviors is at the core of the issue - it's about control and dominance. Additionally, I did not get my identity from my marriage, in fact I made more than 3X what my husband made and was ready to leave, it was the combination of the children and the fact that I wanted to try as best I could to 'fix' or 'change' my ex-husband that kept me in place. This was indicative of how damaged I was, I doubted what I knew to be right, and it took all I had to leave, knowing it was the best decision for me and for my children. Any article, any gesture, any effort put in place to help raise awareness is a good thing - thank you for your insights -
Cheers.
Kim
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As an abuse survivor, I appreciate your article and understand the angst from some of the readers in regards to the fact that abuse is not selective, abuse is abuse is abuse - men, women, old, young, rich, poor, etc, can be the victims of this dreaded controlling behavior. WIth that in mind, I must comment on the note that verbal abuse is 'visible' - I did not experience this and none of my clients have either. From my seat, verbal abuse is an insidious as emotional - most often verbal abuse is conducted in private and there are no witnesses to the behavior. I often told my ex-husband I wish he would hit me so others could see my pain. As you noted, the cycle of violence with all of the controlling behaviors is at the core of the issue - it's about control and dominance. Additionally, I did not get my identity from my marriage, in fact I made more than 3X what my husband made and was ready to leave, it was the combination of the children and the fact that I wanted to try as best I could to 'fix' or 'change' my ex-husband that kept me in place. This was indicative of how damaged I was, I doubted what I knew to be right, and it took all I had to leave, knowing it was the best decision for me and for my children. Any article, any gesture, any effort put in place to help raise awareness is a good thing - thank you for your insights -
May 2, 2011 - 3:43pmCheers.
Kim
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