Dear Susan,
So I have an update for you. Well for #1, he is off getting married soon he said in a couple of months. We talked like friends. He still loves me but he prizes his commitment to the girl who was there after the breakup and our misunderstanding but its led to positive changes in his life. In either case, our union because of our differences would not have been taken well in our homes. So its a positive step and a major reason behind the decision I made, even though I got the lower end of the deal.
Secondly, it took some time and thinking and gathering of courage to discuss things honestly with #1 but I spelled out very honestly to him that I needed some time to think about everything because of two reasons a) his divorce was still not finalizing and she was still calling him b) he wanted me to be with him like as I was married to him and both of them especially after your advice and talking to my best friends it seemed like a futile relationship. He was not ready to put in any effort to make it work. I am okay with it though because after a long six years with #1 and the brief tumultuous relationship with #2, since 2007 when I had gotten out of another bad relationship, I actually feel relieved to be on my own and free to think and act and focus on my self. Its been a while. At first he was fine with it saying what I was expecting of him, and I said I needed two months more to think so that I don't regret my decision. But, he, being impatient as I know he is, for the past two days went into major depression and today, he fessed up using the 'guise of long distance relationships' that we should take a break. I didnt fight it and he said that we will discuss it more tomorrow as he had to go to work and he was sounding agitated.
Although I know what I did was for the right of everyone, I miss the close intimacy and friendship I had with #1 but it was never meant to be so these events took place but I am okay. I want someone like #1 but someone who is real and reachable and I am sure he exists somewhere maybe I haven't found him yet or he has been under my nose and I haven't realized it yet. But I am no rush. I have a year to apply for Phd programs and build my self. After the week of meltdown, I actually joined an afterschool program for kids so I am working part time while working on apps. I will also be probably offered a contract position in a company I interned for in the summer (which should give me enough savings to be financially indepedent once I am in a Phd Program) and I think everything will be allright. I am sure the guy is lurking somewhere as he has been for the past 25 years, maybe its about time I stop hunting for him and let him show him self up! Your advice truly has changed my life for the better and re-ignited my fire to empower others and survive life's unexpected challenges! Thank you so much!
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Dear Susan,
October 16, 2011 - 10:18pmSo I have an update for you. Well for #1, he is off getting married soon he said in a couple of months. We talked like friends. He still loves me but he prizes his commitment to the girl who was there after the breakup and our misunderstanding but its led to positive changes in his life. In either case, our union because of our differences would not have been taken well in our homes. So its a positive step and a major reason behind the decision I made, even though I got the lower end of the deal.
Secondly, it took some time and thinking and gathering of courage to discuss things honestly with #1 but I spelled out very honestly to him that I needed some time to think about everything because of two reasons a) his divorce was still not finalizing and she was still calling him b) he wanted me to be with him like as I was married to him and both of them especially after your advice and talking to my best friends it seemed like a futile relationship. He was not ready to put in any effort to make it work. I am okay with it though because after a long six years with #1 and the brief tumultuous relationship with #2, since 2007 when I had gotten out of another bad relationship, I actually feel relieved to be on my own and free to think and act and focus on my self. Its been a while. At first he was fine with it saying what I was expecting of him, and I said I needed two months more to think so that I don't regret my decision. But, he, being impatient as I know he is, for the past two days went into major depression and today, he fessed up using the 'guise of long distance relationships' that we should take a break. I didnt fight it and he said that we will discuss it more tomorrow as he had to go to work and he was sounding agitated.
Although I know what I did was for the right of everyone, I miss the close intimacy and friendship I had with #1 but it was never meant to be so these events took place but I am okay. I want someone like #1 but someone who is real and reachable and I am sure he exists somewhere maybe I haven't found him yet or he has been under my nose and I haven't realized it yet. But I am no rush. I have a year to apply for Phd programs and build my self. After the week of meltdown, I actually joined an afterschool program for kids so I am working part time while working on apps. I will also be probably offered a contract position in a company I interned for in the summer (which should give me enough savings to be financially indepedent once I am in a Phd Program) and I think everything will be allright. I am sure the guy is lurking somewhere as he has been for the past 25 years, maybe its about time I stop hunting for him and let him show him self up! Your advice truly has changed my life for the better and re-ignited my fire to empower others and survive life's unexpected challenges! Thank you so much!
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