Welcome to the EmpowHER community! I hope we can offer help and support.
First of all, let's address his emotional issues. I understand that you love him, and you guys have been in a relationship for a while. However, under no circumstances should he feel like he can be mean for weeks, lash out, and emotionally hurt you until the point of tears. You do not deserve that!
It sounds like he had a very troubled childhood, and of course it's natural for him to continue to be emotionally hurt and broken until he addresses the issues. If he won't open up to you about it, do you know of anyone he would? Not having a job, sleeping all day, and going through periods of anger is not a positive way to spend your life, or spend your life being around. His behavior is not healthy for either of you.
The actions you should take vary, depending on how much you want to work things out. I would first try to open up to him in more than one medium. If he doesn't like talking, try writing him a letter. If he won't open up and won't work on his stuff, then he has no business being in a relationship. Again, it's not fair to either of you.
As for the lack of sex, I have little to no doubt that it has to do with his emotional state. You're absolutely right that these two are connected. Our emotions are so important to our physical health. There is no way you're going to get him to start having & loving sex with you unless he is suddenly over his stuff, and feeling happy, as it seems his emotions are really linked here. I think you must first address the emotions, then the physical here. Again, depending on how long you're willing to work on this.
Visit our depression page for more info that may help open things up for you: https://www.empowher.com/condition/depression
Or our sex & relationship group for support: https://www.empowher.com/groups/Sex-and-Relationships
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Hey oddiumxwanderus,
Welcome to the EmpowHER community! I hope we can offer help and support.
First of all, let's address his emotional issues. I understand that you love him, and you guys have been in a relationship for a while. However, under no circumstances should he feel like he can be mean for weeks, lash out, and emotionally hurt you until the point of tears. You do not deserve that!
It sounds like he had a very troubled childhood, and of course it's natural for him to continue to be emotionally hurt and broken until he addresses the issues. If he won't open up to you about it, do you know of anyone he would? Not having a job, sleeping all day, and going through periods of anger is not a positive way to spend your life, or spend your life being around. His behavior is not healthy for either of you.
The actions you should take vary, depending on how much you want to work things out. I would first try to open up to him in more than one medium. If he doesn't like talking, try writing him a letter. If he won't open up and won't work on his stuff, then he has no business being in a relationship. Again, it's not fair to either of you.
As for the lack of sex, I have little to no doubt that it has to do with his emotional state. You're absolutely right that these two are connected. Our emotions are so important to our physical health. There is no way you're going to get him to start having & loving sex with you unless he is suddenly over his stuff, and feeling happy, as it seems his emotions are really linked here. I think you must first address the emotions, then the physical here. Again, depending on how long you're willing to work on this.
Visit our depression page for more info that may help open things up for you: https://www.empowher.com/condition/depression
Or our sex & relationship group for support: https://www.empowher.com/groups/Sex-and-Relationships
March 6, 2012 - 6:20amI wish you the best. Good luck & keep us updated.
Best,
Danielle.
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