Okay women. Here's a response from the other side. First off, your man is probably NOT gay. I say this because I'm a gay man with a wonderful man in my life, whom I adore and love with all my heart, and he feels the exact same way as all of you. We have been together for nearly 7 years. The first year was sex all the time, then schedules and "things" got in the way. We are back to a good place where time for sex is not the issue. We have the time and the space for it, but it hardly happens. Yes, we both watch porn and get the sexual frustration out individually when the other one is not there, but that's not a solution nor is it the problem. He definitely feels like he puts a lot more energy into trying to have sex, and feels like I always deny him.
Now, here's what could be happening. I, like your men, probably have 1000 things running through our brains at all times. We want to make sure the problems in life are taken care of before we reward ourselves with sex. Granted, we aren't taking into consideration that denying you is like a punishment, it's not intentional. Instead we want to pay the gas bill that's been due for the last week, Take care of that leaky pipe in the basement, clean the nasty toilet, throw out the leftovers in the refrigerator that have been sitting there for a week, etc. Until of which we're drilling morning over the loss the cat that died a few months ago, trying to rationalize why Stupid Jack got the promotion over me at work, and wondering why the birthday present we ordered for you 4 weeks ago hasn't come yet. Our minds are filled with troubles that individually are tiny, but all together are overwhelming, and it makes us feel "unsexy" because we haven't fixed those things for you.
I don't have a proper answer for how to handle this, because if I could just tell myself to turn my brain off and have sex with my boyfriend, so he doesn't feel like a failure I would, but it's not that easy. We need your help and understanding, but not your pity or resentment. I think informing him of a day to have sex might help. Tell him to budget in. Yes, planned sex is not as "fun" as spontaneous sex, but I guaranteeit's better than no sex at all. If I was told. Hey we're going to have sex next Tuesday and Thursday, then I would make sure it happened. I would make sure I'm clean and feeling as sexy as I possibly could and then I would pick whatever time worked that day whether it was first thing in the morning, right after I got dressed for work (but then called and said "i have a person issue and will be a little late for work) or the last ting before we fell asleep. It's still would be a bit of a surprise for you, so be ready when he is. I can't promise this will work, but if it does then I'm happy I could help
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Okay women. Here's a response from the other side. First off, your man is probably NOT gay. I say this because I'm a gay man with a wonderful man in my life, whom I adore and love with all my heart, and he feels the exact same way as all of you. We have been together for nearly 7 years. The first year was sex all the time, then schedules and "things" got in the way. We are back to a good place where time for sex is not the issue. We have the time and the space for it, but it hardly happens. Yes, we both watch porn and get the sexual frustration out individually when the other one is not there, but that's not a solution nor is it the problem. He definitely feels like he puts a lot more energy into trying to have sex, and feels like I always deny him.
Now, here's what could be happening. I, like your men, probably have 1000 things running through our brains at all times. We want to make sure the problems in life are taken care of before we reward ourselves with sex. Granted, we aren't taking into consideration that denying you is like a punishment, it's not intentional. Instead we want to pay the gas bill that's been due for the last week, Take care of that leaky pipe in the basement, clean the nasty toilet, throw out the leftovers in the refrigerator that have been sitting there for a week, etc. Until of which we're drilling morning over the loss the cat that died a few months ago, trying to rationalize why Stupid Jack got the promotion over me at work, and wondering why the birthday present we ordered for you 4 weeks ago hasn't come yet. Our minds are filled with troubles that individually are tiny, but all together are overwhelming, and it makes us feel "unsexy" because we haven't fixed those things for you.
I don't have a proper answer for how to handle this, because if I could just tell myself to turn my brain off and have sex with my boyfriend, so he doesn't feel like a failure I would, but it's not that easy. We need your help and understanding, but not your pity or resentment. I think informing him of a day to have sex might help. Tell him to budget in. Yes, planned sex is not as "fun" as spontaneous sex, but I guaranteeit's better than no sex at all. If I was told. Hey we're going to have sex next Tuesday and Thursday, then I would make sure it happened. I would make sure I'm clean and feeling as sexy as I possibly could and then I would pick whatever time worked that day whether it was first thing in the morning, right after I got dressed for work (but then called and said "i have a person issue and will be a little late for work) or the last ting before we fell asleep. It's still would be a bit of a surprise for you, so be ready when he is. I can't promise this will work, but if it does then I'm happy I could help
April 20, 2018 - 12:44pmThis Comment
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