I used to be very active strong cleaning cooking exercising swimming always on the go. Now I can't stand long enough to scramble an egg I cannot clean my apartment I barely could get in the shower and wash my hair I don't sleep at night so have to take naps or lay down and I've learned now to obey my body. Before I would push on to the point where I would suffer for a month after now I can't do that either I could barely hold up my head anymore it has stolen my life and I have grieved the death of me the person that I used to be is no longer here. I love to dance love dancing now I use a walker I have aged immensely in the past few years I don't look anything like I did before. This disease stole my life and I want my life back I want the me back. I want to be able to go out I can't leave my house the only time I leave is to go to the doctors and get medicine that's it I have no life this is not living this is existing to me and it is depressing me to the point where I consider being honest with you taking my life that's how bad the pain is I cannot deal with this pain anymore the pain is controlling my life I don't drink alcohol anymore I do not smoke cigarettes anymore I do not drink coffee anymore actually I live on yogurt Chobani Greek yogurt if I eat anyting I double over in pain and I'm on the toilet. It is more than overactive nerve endings to me everyday I wake up with a new problem even my hair hurts did not think that was possible but it does. Can't even give myself a shower when I took two showers a day I'm lucky if I get one or two a week can't wash my hair because I cannot bend my hands my arms my shoulders everything hurts I have arthritis on top and degenerative disc disease and I think there are some more things going on we just haven't found the mail check oh I also now have underactive thyroid pain medication is not even taking the edge off my pain anymore tried every kind of seizure medicine Neurontin ult Rams Mobic Topamax Elavil antidepressants I have been on so many different antidepressants tried Wellbutrin there were so many I forget that's the other thing I was never late on my bills I can't even hold the pen up in my hand long enough and then I forget a lot of things Miss doctor's appointments because I cannot get in the shower it's exacerbating my depression to the point where I am don't want anybody to see me like this feeling like I am becoming a vegetable I'm not used to asking for help now I have to pay people to help me and even then they don't show up everything hurts everything I believe this disease stole my life and I want it back so bad but like today all's I did was lay on the couch all day I buy things for exercise and don't use them because I have no energy. The only interaction I have with human beings is on messenger on the internet. But I have no social interaction can't do my laundry can't clean my apartment can't do anything. I had so many losses in my lifetime especially the past few years I am in so much pain that I can't even feel g r i v e my granddaughter my sister and my brother-in-law all passed away within 4 years and my pain is so bad that I could not feel grief for them and that's horrible because I love and miss them so much cry at the drop of a hat because the pain. There's got to be something out there that could help me they had to cut down on my pain medication because of the change and law because drug addicts have a better chance of getting medicine then a person that really needs it and that is not fair I am addicted but I am not a junkie and there is a difference. I did all the epidural nerve blocks you name it I did it it still does not work I used to leg press 250 lb and I only weigh 105 lb myself always exercising always owned every kind of exercise equipment you could think of walked 5 miles a day did Pilates swimming dancing I can't even eat it's too much of it a pain to eat and I'll be talking to someone and forget words there's got to be something out there. Please I am begging you please try to find an answer a cure for this something that can make me feel human again because I am not human I'm just existing I'm not living rather I'm just existing and that is a sin what are the seven deadly sins. Please read this printed posted I don't care just please find some way somehow to help us some people is worse than others I heard there are different degrees of it well if that's true then I have the worst one if it gets any worse I'm going to have to do something I don't want to do. But I cannot live this way this is not living its existing
Comment Reply
I used to be very active strong cleaning cooking exercising swimming always on the go. Now I can't stand long enough to scramble an egg I cannot clean my apartment I barely could get in the shower and wash my hair I don't sleep at night so have to take naps or lay down and I've learned now to obey my body. Before I would push on to the point where I would suffer for a month after now I can't do that either I could barely hold up my head anymore it has stolen my life and I have grieved the death of me the person that I used to be is no longer here. I love to dance love dancing now I use a walker I have aged immensely in the past few years I don't look anything like I did before. This disease stole my life and I want my life back I want the me back. I want to be able to go out I can't leave my house the only time I leave is to go to the doctors and get medicine that's it I have no life this is not living this is existing to me and it is depressing me to the point where I consider being honest with you taking my life that's how bad the pain is I cannot deal with this pain anymore the pain is controlling my life I don't drink alcohol anymore I do not smoke cigarettes anymore I do not drink coffee anymore actually I live on yogurt Chobani Greek yogurt if I eat anyting I double over in pain and I'm on the toilet. It is more than overactive nerve endings to me everyday I wake up with a new problem even my hair hurts did not think that was possible but it does. Can't even give myself a shower when I took two showers a day I'm lucky if I get one or two a week can't wash my hair because I cannot bend my hands my arms my shoulders everything hurts I have arthritis on top and degenerative disc disease and I think there are some more things going on we just haven't found the mail check oh I also now have underactive thyroid pain medication is not even taking the edge off my pain anymore tried every kind of seizure medicine Neurontin ult Rams Mobic Topamax Elavil antidepressants I have been on so many different antidepressants tried Wellbutrin there were so many I forget that's the other thing I was never late on my bills I can't even hold the pen up in my hand long enough and then I forget a lot of things Miss doctor's appointments because I cannot get in the shower it's exacerbating my depression to the point where I am don't want anybody to see me like this feeling like I am becoming a vegetable I'm not used to asking for help now I have to pay people to help me and even then they don't show up everything hurts everything I believe this disease stole my life and I want it back so bad but like today all's I did was lay on the couch all day I buy things for exercise and don't use them because I have no energy. The only interaction I have with human beings is on messenger on the internet. But I have no social interaction can't do my laundry can't clean my apartment can't do anything. I had so many losses in my lifetime especially the past few years I am in so much pain that I can't even feel g r i v e my granddaughter my sister and my brother-in-law all passed away within 4 years and my pain is so bad that I could not feel grief for them and that's horrible because I love and miss them so much cry at the drop of a hat because the pain. There's got to be something out there that could help me they had to cut down on my pain medication because of the change and law because drug addicts have a better chance of getting medicine then a person that really needs it and that is not fair I am addicted but I am not a junkie and there is a difference. I did all the epidural nerve blocks you name it I did it it still does not work I used to leg press 250 lb and I only weigh 105 lb myself always exercising always owned every kind of exercise equipment you could think of walked 5 miles a day did Pilates swimming dancing I can't even eat it's too much of it a pain to eat and I'll be talking to someone and forget words there's got to be something out there. Please I am begging you please try to find an answer a cure for this something that can make me feel human again because I am not human I'm just existing I'm not living rather I'm just existing and that is a sin what are the seven deadly sins. Please read this printed posted I don't care just please find some way somehow to help us some people is worse than others I heard there are different degrees of it well if that's true then I have the worst one if it gets any worse I'm going to have to do something I don't want to do. But I cannot live this way this is not living its existing
January 20, 2018 - 6:20pmThis Comment
Reply