My husband and I experienced something similar right after we got married. We lived together for several years, but right after we tied the knot, even the tiniest things he did got on my nerves and vice versa. It was just a change in our relationship and circumstances and I think we were both adjusting to how to deal with it.
Believe it or not, we do have a couple of rules for fighting ... Don't know if they're aligned with the more official rules of fair fighting created by psychologists and other bright people, but they work for us. Here's the rundown ...
We have a 5-foot rule. If the other person isn't within five feet to hear us, we don't raise our voices to accomodate the distance. This keeps us from yelling. (We have been known to follow one another around the house on this one though)
We rarely swear (but definitely do).
We try to take responsibility for and express our emotions rather than making judgments about the other person's behavior (A difficult scenario) For example, he might say "I feel angry when you don't put the dishes in the dishwasher," rather than "You're a slob."
We try to find the humor in the whole situation. Think most people are inclined to this approach.
We try to get away. No, it doesn't seem smart to see a movie when you're arguing, but sometimes, a mindless blockbuster is all you need to escape the world for a while. And, when you compare your problems to some other guy's crushing responsibility of saving the world, the fact that you forgot to put the coffee cup in the dishwasher doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Let us know which rules work best for you or if you discover other rules along the way.
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My husband and I experienced something similar right after we got married. We lived together for several years, but right after we tied the knot, even the tiniest things he did got on my nerves and vice versa. It was just a change in our relationship and circumstances and I think we were both adjusting to how to deal with it.
Believe it or not, we do have a couple of rules for fighting ... Don't know if they're aligned with the more official rules of fair fighting created by psychologists and other bright people, but they work for us. Here's the rundown ...
We have a 5-foot rule. If the other person isn't within five feet to hear us, we don't raise our voices to accomodate the distance. This keeps us from yelling. (We have been known to follow one another around the house on this one though)
We rarely swear (but definitely do).
We try to take responsibility for and express our emotions rather than making judgments about the other person's behavior (A difficult scenario) For example, he might say "I feel angry when you don't put the dishes in the dishwasher," rather than "You're a slob."
We try to find the humor in the whole situation. Think most people are inclined to this approach.
We try to get away. No, it doesn't seem smart to see a movie when you're arguing, but sometimes, a mindless blockbuster is all you need to escape the world for a while. And, when you compare your problems to some other guy's crushing responsibility of saving the world, the fact that you forgot to put the coffee cup in the dishwasher doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Let us know which rules work best for you or if you discover other rules along the way.
May 18, 2008 - 10:59amThis Comment
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