That's a great question. I was in an abusive marriage for about 15 years. Participating in that kind of relationship is the perfect example of frustration from being caught in negative patterns. (And I use the word "participate" because it takes two people to create an abusive relationship.)
It takes some people a long time, and others not so long. It takes as long as it takes, but over time it began to dawn on me: When you do nothing to act on your own behalf, someone else will ALWAYS get to choose your circumstances for you. And human nature being what it is, chances are you can find someone who is more than willing to choose for you.
I realized that by doing nothing except hoping and praying - and then not backing that up with courageous action - all I would ever get was more and more frustrated. I was participating in my own victimization by not taking action on my own behalf.
That's an extreme example, but I have seen less extreme events produce the same result. One instance involves a former job I had. Shortly after 9/11, my company started laying people off. Everyone was watching their backs, terrified they were next to get a pink slip. The people who did well were the ones who started looking for ways to increase their value to the company, and who began looking at other options. The ones who suffered most were those who hid in their cubes shaking.
Essentially, everyone was in the same situation, but the people who took responsibility for their circumstances and acted on their own behalf had a different perspective, and weren't as scared. Because they weren't scared, they didn't panic, and were able to made good choices and enabled themselves to act with integrity when faced with the kinds of decisions that come with that situation.
What these experiences have helped to teach me is that people are both afraid of and surprised by change. But in reality everything is constantly changing. Change is the nature of the Universe. If we try to stay still and deny growth and movement we will always end up getting the rug pulled out from under us. If we accept change and choose to participate in the process by advocating for ourselves, we are in a most powerful position.
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Hi, Tina!
That's a great question. I was in an abusive marriage for about 15 years. Participating in that kind of relationship is the perfect example of frustration from being caught in negative patterns. (And I use the word "participate" because it takes two people to create an abusive relationship.)
It takes some people a long time, and others not so long. It takes as long as it takes, but over time it began to dawn on me: When you do nothing to act on your own behalf, someone else will ALWAYS get to choose your circumstances for you. And human nature being what it is, chances are you can find someone who is more than willing to choose for you.
I realized that by doing nothing except hoping and praying - and then not backing that up with courageous action - all I would ever get was more and more frustrated. I was participating in my own victimization by not taking action on my own behalf.
That's an extreme example, but I have seen less extreme events produce the same result. One instance involves a former job I had. Shortly after 9/11, my company started laying people off. Everyone was watching their backs, terrified they were next to get a pink slip. The people who did well were the ones who started looking for ways to increase their value to the company, and who began looking at other options. The ones who suffered most were those who hid in their cubes shaking.
Essentially, everyone was in the same situation, but the people who took responsibility for their circumstances and acted on their own behalf had a different perspective, and weren't as scared. Because they weren't scared, they didn't panic, and were able to made good choices and enabled themselves to act with integrity when faced with the kinds of decisions that come with that situation.
What these experiences have helped to teach me is that people are both afraid of and surprised by change. But in reality everything is constantly changing. Change is the nature of the Universe. If we try to stay still and deny growth and movement we will always end up getting the rug pulled out from under us. If we accept change and choose to participate in the process by advocating for ourselves, we are in a most powerful position.
In strength,
June 2, 2008 - 3:42pmJulie
http://www.BodyWizards.com
The Power to Build your Ideal Body
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