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Guilt loss of identity career of chromic Ill partner

By May 2, 2017 - 7:35pm

I'm new to this site and I'm sorry to hear each and everyone of ye are going through the same things I am going through. I'm really just ranting but I am a young female in my early thirties caring for my partner who has been chronically ill for ten years and were together twelve, he's now also suffering from secondary and tertiary illness as a result e.g depression. I sadly have zero support system other than my partner which I'm grateful for. I have become a person who cares and have lost who I am. I left my carer (happily) to take care of him and love him with all my heart even tho the years haven't been easy. He's a stubborn man set in his ways at times.i had an image of Wat I wanted in my life and the experiences I wanted and none of them have gone that way and I feel guilty, I have stopped meeting people as i have become a person I don't like and if I meet someone it's all about him or I'm treated differently. I have one friend left. I have gained seven stone and two years ago had sepsis and almost died, tbh only coz my partner was their to hold my hand god bless him I really could of just willed myself to slip away, no one was their to help and it has been a tough time. I have ill health and have just lost who i am, I feel horrible for saying those things because I love my partner and am grateful for life but its just not the life I envisioned and I feel like the person I was is gone. I find if I'm away from my partner now for short periods I get anxious worried and upset (I was never like that before). Also the usual things such as financial burden etc doesn't help.i feel completely alone isolated unhealthy and unable to take care of myself, I have the knowledge and understanding for self care I have also went for counselling which she told me to leave my partner and that didn't help. I wont leave my partner especially when he has been there for me at a time when I had no one. But I feel now that I don't exist or I exist to serve and I don't matter, the irony that I'm taking up more space as I get heavier but that I feel like I'm nothing. I'm sorry to be a downer I just found this uber therapeutic. Thanks for reading and God bless xxx

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Description

Spouses dealing with chronically ill spouses, without sexually or emotionally connections

Location

New Castle De

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