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boyfriend lack of sex, needs help but won't admit it nor get help

By Anonymous December 29, 2010 - 4:53am
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My boyfriend is 13 years older than me (I am 40). We both met while we were both married, but unhappily married. When we first met (4 years ago), we had sex a lot. Then it got to where it went from once a week to once a month-now I am lucky to get it once every two-three months. The thing is, I don't particuarly enjoy sex-it's hard for me to orgasm thru intercourse, but that is a lot to due to the fact I was molested as a child. It isn't the sex, it's the bonding satisfaction I get while we make love. He doesn't really know this, cause I am too busy trying to please him, that he thinks I am being satisfied. I get my sex satisfaction thru self stimulation.

He has issues with ED, and I am in the medical field, so I know this. He won't admit it. It isn't ME. He isn't gay or having an affair. I tried suggesting the porn while having sex, but then he blocks MY view from the video, and then it started to be a "habit" and I got sort of jealous, now he won't do that anymore.
He and I argue constently about it, he claims I just want a dick and f**k and that is so far from the truth. I don't run around cause I don't get that bonding satisfaction from anyone else. He gets upset if I talk to my best friend about it, so I don't.
I love this man so much but he won't get help to help US. I tried wearing pheromones, but that only works to get other men wanting me, not him. I tried sexy outfits, everything, but I end up losing in the end. I am always depressed cause of this. I know I was invaded as a child, and I probably think that if he makes love to me, means he loves me. I know he loves me. He is very affectionate and all but he just won't bond with me sexually. I am not asking for it every night. Once a week would make me feel satisfied in the emotional sense. He is all the time working, and is always tired, although we stay up all nite. You would think he'd take advantage to that and do it while we are awake. I know it is the age (although my ex is the same age, and didn't have issues in that department), stress, work and meds but at least he could try. I have even asked him to go down on me orally, he likes me to do that to him but hes NEVER done that to me. I don't know why I stay in the relationship,but I love him. I can't leave him. Lack of sex is not a good reason to leave a man, but it is an important thing in a relationship. I don't know what to do.

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Just as every relationship is unique, so are the reasons or causes behind your partner's choices in his behavior towards you. We have compiled the “best responses” received from both men and women in regards to your specific question, and hope you read through them thoughtfully. Women have been going through the same struggles, and have shared their insight and lessons learned. Men have also shared why they did not want to have sex in their strained relationships. Please let us know what “words of wisdom” or “tips” resonate with you from the following articles:

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December 30, 2010 - 7:52am
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