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SO... I AM 24, DIVORCED AND VERY UNHAPPY. CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IN MY EYES SEEMS VERY ABBUSIVE. IN A JOB THAT A MONKEY CAN PERFORM, AND I TAKE CARE OF MY AGING PARENTS (BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MENTALLY). I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS SPIRALLING INTO AN ABYSS OF NOTHINGNESS AND OFTEN I FIND MYSELF CRYING MY EYES OUT NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. I HAVE NO WHERE TO TURN TO AND NO ONE TO SPEAK TO, TO CRY OUT FOR HELP. MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND SEEMS TO THINK THAT EVERYTHING (INCL. FINANCIAL DESICIONS AS WELL AS SEXUAL) IS HIS WAY OR THE HIGHWAY. PART OF ME KNOWS HE'S NO GOOD FOR ME (A VERY SMALL PART) AND THE REST OF ME DOESNT WANT TO LOSE HIM. I DONT KNOW HOW TO ESCAPE... I FEEL MY DIVORCE WAS MY FAULT ENTIRELY ALTHOUGH I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR HIM. I HAVE NO FRIENDS, IM SOCIALLY AKWARD....ALL THESE SURGES OF EMOTIONS ARE ABSOLUTELY NEW TO ME. NORMALLY IM A HAPPY GO LUCHY TYPE OF GIRL. SHOULD I SEEK A MENTAL HEALTH SPECIALIST OR DOES THIS HAPPEN TO EVERY WOMAN??
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Dear MimiJoe,
Have you given any thought to what these three wonderful ladies have mentioned? Like them, I think that although it would be a good idea to seek a professional evaluation your feelings are actually quite normal and expected.
We hope you are doing better and seeking support from someone who will be impartial.
Please keep us updated!
February 2, 2010 - 9:56amThis Comment
MimiJo,
Pat and Susan gave you wonderful advice, and I agree with them 100 percent.
I just wanted to echo YOUR instinct that this relationship seems abusive. No loving partner ever insists that "My Way Or The Highway." It's just not the way it works. A relationship needs to be between two people who are equals in the relationship. If you are making money and part of it goes to support your parents, that is your decision alone. If your partner wants a certain kind of sex and you do not, that is your decision to make. If he yells at you or calls you names, yes, that is emotional abuse. If he threatens you physically or ever hits or pushes you, that's physical abuse. And if he makes you do things sexually -- ever -- that you did not want to do, that's sexual abuse. Plain and simple.
At 24, you have your whole life ahead of you. You are feeling trapped in several situations -- your parents, your job, your relationship -- and I think it's natural that you are questioning why you are feeling so down. You sound like a giving, thoughtful person and I think you would benefit very much from talk therapy. Are you interested in this? Do you need help finding professional counselors or doctors in your area? If so, let us know your city and state and we can help you with some resources.
February 1, 2010 - 11:25amThis Comment
I live in the city of miami. Talk therapy sounds ideal, and may I say that just reading such responses has made me realize many things. I want to thank you all for your input
February 4, 2010 - 7:49amThis Comment
MimiJoe,
So glad you've come back and are getting some help just from being here. That's what we hope for at EmpowHER!
Talk therapy is wonderful. It is so freeing to be able to talk with someone who understands human behavior and who is not connected to our situation.
Here is a Psychology Today listing of psychologists, therapists and counselors in Miami, listed by zip code. You can click on your zip code (or other zip codes close to you) and it will give you information about those in your area. Many of them also then have websites that you can visit for more information. Some are more generalists and others have specialties that you may find useful:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/FL/Miami.html
What's important to realize here is that YOU have good instincts. You are smart and thoughtful and you have a gut instinct for what feels right and wrong. That's a great starting point (and not everyone has that as a starting point). I hope you find a wonderful counselor that helps you sort things out -- for you. Will you come back and update us?
February 4, 2010 - 8:10amThis Comment
Hi mimijoejosssy - Thank you for writing, and for seeking support. You've described several events in your life that would be stressful for most people. To answer your question, NO,what you're describing does not "happen to every woman." We all handle our situations in our own unique and individual ways.
Whether you have a clinical depression or not, what you've said is you don't have any person you feel you can talk to, and for that reason alone talking with a mental health professional or another trusted, impartial resource could help you to get some perspective and support in dealing with your situation.
To help figure out whether you're dealing with depression it would help to review our depression page: https://www.empowher.com/condition/depression
Depression is a persistent low mood that interferes with the ability to function and appreciate things in life. It may cause a wide range of symptoms, both physical and emotional. People with depression rarely recover without treatment, so if you feel you have depression after reading the information it would be advisable to seek treatment from a medical professional who treats depression, such as a psychiatrist, as soon as possible.
Hang in there, anon. Recognizing a problem and reaching out for support is an important first step in resolving the situation and improving it. Let us know if this information helps, what you decide to do, and if you have additional questions.
January 29, 2010 - 6:24pmTake good care,
Pat
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