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Dealing with family members getting pregnant

By May 15, 2011 - 2:50pm
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I miscarried Feb, 25, 2009 .... and every since whenever someone close to me gets pregnant i just fall apart! Th first person was a younger cousin who got pregnant about 5 months after i miscarried now 2 and a bit year later its my future sister-in-law. She is married and older then I and why shouldnt she! I should have been prepared for this! But for some reason i just want to cry and curl up into a ball. Which silly since im getting married in less then 5 months! I dont want to be pregnant yet! Its just everytime i think about it i get all teary eyed and sad. When will this sadness go away? What can i do to get over these emotions and be happy for her??

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When will your sadness to away? It might never completely "go away", but it certainly does not need to dictate your feelings and behaviors toward loved ones for an indefinite period of time....sadness does not need to be chronic state-of-being, and there is help for you.

Have you been able to grieve over your loss, and give yourself the time and space to go through the stages of grief? Do you have close friends, relatives or a counselor whom you can talk to?

You can get to a place where you understand that miscarriages happen to many women, it is not an indicator (in and of itself) that you are unable to become pregnant in the future, and it is not an indicator that you did anything wrong. Women can also have guilty feelings that they was also a sense of relief that they were no longer pregnant... there are a million different feelings that you could be having all at once, and they are all okay to have.

I am not sure what would help you most, but you can identify your feelings first: are you feeling guilty about your miscarriage, are you still mad/angry that it happened to you, are you feeling insecure about your body's ability to become pregnant in the future? There are SO many feelings wrapped up in a miscarriage, and it is important to give all of them a "voice", and move through the stages of grieving so that you can slowly begin accepting your feelings, understand the "why me", gain information about why miscarriages happen (many of them happen because our bodies are working properly and happen for a medical reason), and gain the perspective that many more babies are going to be conceived and born-- and this is not a reflection on you, or your body, or your future. You really can do this, but it can take some concentrated effort on your part to heal.

Do you have access to a counselor, who can help you go through these stages? Journaling or joining a support group can also help. EmpowHER has a Group called "Empty Arms" if you would like to talk with other women who have experienced a miscarriage: https://www.empowher.com/groups/Empty-Arms.

Lastly, there is an expert video that you can review: Depression after miscarriage: when should women seek help.

Please let us know what additional information or resources you need.

May 15, 2011 - 8:28pm
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