How to have a relationship with a partner who suffers from erectile dysfunction.

I got two words to say here, dump him. I know that sounds callous and mean but frankly, any guy who isn't going to take on a problem as obvious as ED and who acts like no one's really noticing and his girlfriend is satisfied just fine is not worthy of you. It suggests that he is either a) selfish or b) troubled (both physically and emotionally). Do you really want to take either of those on? Why put up with so little? I just got dumped by a guy because I was too busy to give him sex three times a week. He didn't think twice about moving on. I don't think twice about recommending you move on. Respect your own needs; if you don't, no one else will. Pamela

Dear Anon:
I am not clear from your posting if you just started this relationship five months ago or if your partner and you have been together longer and he just started to experience ED symptoms. Let’s assume that there is no previous history of ED and the problem is new, if this is the case, you may want to share your concerns for his health and the relationship. Be honest about suggesting a visit to a doctor. You can tell him you have done some research on this and found that it is something that should not be ignored as it could be a symptom of something more serious. A doctor can run tests such as Testosterone levels (usually linked to ED in a normal, healthy, aging male) in addition to assessing his stress or other psychological issues. If he already suffers from a chronic illness and is taking medications, sometimes side effects can be confused or resembled ED. Susan C. mentioned some possible causes on her posting. Either way, a doctor will be able to determine the best course of action.

If he is not taking any medications to suspect causing this problem, a doctor’s visit is still appropriate to rule out a more serious health conditions such as those which may contribute to ED by impairing blood flow to the penis: artherosclerosis, diabetes, hypothyroidism or multiple sclerosis.

Depending on the possible triggers, therapy may also include psychological and behavioral counseling, Hormone Replacement Therapy (Testosterone), treatment of underlying disease, avoidance of medications such as antihypertensives, and MAO inhibitors, avoidance of alcohol and smoking. There are other more invasive treatments such as penile vacuum devices and surgical options, such as penile implants and vascular repair which are usually limited to those who have not responded to other treatments.

Among the natural therapies, Asian Ginseng (Panax ginseng) has traditionally been used as a supportive herb for male potency. A double-blind trial found that 1,800 mg per day of Asian ginseng extract for three months helped improve libido and the ability to maintain an erection in men with ED.13 The benefit of Asian ginseng confirmed in another double-blind study, in which 900 mg three times a day was given for eight weeks. Another one is MACA, a natural product from South America known as the natural VIAGRA. This product is available in the US now in many forms: tea, extract, capsules and even energy bars! And one not too known for its positive effects on male performance is CDP-Choline which has shown to enhance male performance in clinical tests within minutes. This product can be taken safely as part of a daily nutritional regime. There are many other benefits associated with a regular supplementation of CDP Choline for heart and brain health.

But above all, DO NOT avoid the conversation and share your feelings and concerns about this. ED can cause more stress and anxiety to him as his own feelings of inadequacy get deeper and the cause is not addressed. Even if his current condition is temporary or is caused by something physical, erectile dysfunction can create stress and tension for both of you. Counseling can help, especially when your partner participates. If he is not opened to that, then share your feelings and concerns about seeking medical advice sooner than later.

Have you talked to him about going to see a doctor? I've actually been in this situation before and I agree that it can be really frustrating. It's so hard to bring up the subject because you don't want to hurt his feelings, and yet it really needs to be addressed.... (You're really patient to have hung in there for five months!)