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husband told me 2 weeks ago that he doesn't love me anymore..help?

By April 18, 2010 - 5:31am
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we're married for almost 4 years now. no kids yet and we're not taking any contraceptives. i want kids but he's not ready yet and he said that financially we are not stable yet. i dot believe we are stable now jsut i guess he's not ready yet for any responsibility tho. but he really loves kids. (although we didn't have a check-up thow whether it's me or it's him that's the problem)

anyways, 2 weeks ago, my hsuband told me that he doesn't love me anymore and he wanst to be free and likes to be with his friends, get home anytime he likes and to enjoy being free again. i admit that im a controlling freak and tend to have embarassing tantrums (like throwing things and like even disrespecting him in front of friends and family like if he's not going on the way i want i would shout at his face then would have a bad mood on the way) i know i've been to childish and spoiled but he told friends that he's the one making me spoiled. i thought it's with him tho because i know he loves me so much and that always after my tantrums, he would make fun of me and everytime he'll see someone on tv doing my tantrums, he would jokingly said, i think i know someone doing the same..

he used to love me so much, breakfast in bed, flowers, made garden for me, and even stitch my favorite pillow and even some shirts that's big enought for me and i want is smaller.
he's the perfect husband and i just ruined it all. he told me he's fed-up of me and that he just hates me now. he said i can just stay at his house like a house-maid but he swears in Jesus name that he'll stop any connection between me and him. i begged, kneeled and cried in front of him and while his away. he said nothing can ever change the fact that enough is enough and that i didn't change. he said no third party is involve just he woke up that he can't handle anymore dramas in life..
i know no one will undertand me more than he did. i know no one will love me more than he loved me. he really do loved me. i felt tho that he's just giving me lesson coz he's searching for new appartment but he's telling me about it and that as if we are still togehter. he's just telling me about the apprtment but he's not asking for my opinion (which is not his type-for always i decide things in the house)
he said he found new appartment for US and that he likes it and that we will transfer right after some renovations made.. 2 weeks ago, he said that he can't live with me anymore and that i can just live a this house so that i can stand on my feet and live on my own. then why he's searchng for new place for us if he wants me to stay away from him.. i asked for another chance but he said he gave so many chances but still im the same and didn't change. pls help. i really love him and i dont know how can i live without him in my life. i just miss to hug him and kiss him but he's not even sitting on the same room with me. he's sleeping on the other room sometimes on the sofa and sometimes not going home at all which is soo not him bec he's really afraid from me but now as if he's so serious and and he's stikcing with his decision that no chances and better for us to be apart.. help?

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Thanks so much for your comment. I am not usually like this in front of other people. But if i dont feel like talking, i just don't answer phone calls and just be in my room put the shades down and just be there in the dark alone.

CAry's suggestion is very good. I am searching for a good therapist here (Kuwait) although i doubt if i can find any. I dont know that much here. We are just living here like 1 and half year ago..

God bless

April 27, 2010 - 1:48am

Hi Rabbit-

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like you are confessing to some pretty difficult behaviors, though. Have you ever had any type of therapy or counseling or seen a psychiatrist? The behaviors you are describing are not typical behaviors in a healthy marriage.

I'm going to give you a little tough love here, because I think you need it. I suggest you find a therapist as soon as possible. The behaviors you are describing are probably affecting all of your relationships. Would you want to be on the receiving end of these tantrums or controlling behaviors? Have you put yourself in your husband's place?

Even if he is leaving you, you have a life to live. Something seems to be stopping you. If you get into some counseling, you may be able to learn how to be less afraid of losing control, and that will make you feel so much better. You must be able to feel happy within yourself in order to live a peaceful life, you know? It sounds like your husband may be beyond wanting couples counseling, although it is definitely worth asking him. Maybe if he sees you are serious about getting some help for your out of control behavior, he will give it a chance.

But if he is leaving, you still have a life to lead. If you can get to the bottom of your control issues and learn to change them, you will be much happier and your life in general will be better. You can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself and the way you react to situations. Counseling can help you let go of the fear and feel more confident on your own.

Good luck to you.

April 18, 2010 - 7:16am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Cary Cook BSN RN)

Everything you said made sense. I know I need to fix myself first before fixing my failed marriage. I know i'm depressed because since 5 years i wanted to have a baby but we can't get pregnant. We already checked and doctors said everything's fine although I have ovarian cyst but the doctor said that it will not affect
Within this past agonizing weeks, I looked in the mirror and everything i see i just hate. I distant myself from everyone and I hate when friends started calling me asking if i'm okay..
Lately, i started praying and i started to feel like i belong in this world and i have learned that there are more importnat things that my husband should be worried about. He is battling an emotional war within himself too for his mom's depressed(commited suicide when my husband's in his highshool days) - his father's an alcoholic and his brother dont want to go to school anymore and just want to party (he's 18 years old).
I abused his love for me for i know he loves me so much. He graduated as cum laude while i ddint make it to the dean's list even.
he is succesful at work while i'm not happy (we worked in the same compnay)
I started to be so insecure when people in our neighborhood started talking why this man married this girl.. i know im not that smart but im so confident before, (im even the vice-president external affairs in my university) but since i married my hsuband, i felt like im just in his shadow and i have to admit that i am so insecure since then.

April 19, 2010 - 12:16am
(reply to Anonymous)


It's important that you realize that you abused his love for you, but it's just as important that you learn why this behavior comes so easily to you and why it's so hard for you to control your emotions even around someone you love.

Are you this way with other people? Your parents, friends or siblings, for instance?

What do you think about Cary's suggestion that you find a therapist or a counselor and start working on some of these issues?

April 26, 2010 - 10:31am
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