last year i broke up with my partner..we had been together 16 years...in 2004 she was diagnosed with cancer...this is what she told me,she went for treatment...i was so busy working i never went to doctors with her..she lost her hair,lost her eyebrows...were a bandana for 3 years...it devasted me when she was sick..everyone prayed for her,sent cards,gifts......i loved her so much,she wrote a will,made videos of her journey through cancer..it broke my heart..we even picked a place for her to be buried if she died...last week i found out the truth..she never had cancer,i feel sick the person i loved and honoured would do that to me.....when we broke up last year she had a breakdown,she has taken over 25 overdoes,had 15 admissions to hospital for self harm injuries,been admitted 15 times to psychiatric hospital..was diagnosed with a personality disorder....she tells lies constantly,stories that are ridiculous but i believe her...,she has a way of manipulating people,she is very childlike,in the 16 yrs we were together she never worked,any job she did get she lost very quickly...she took alot of money from me and lied to pretend she never took it........she lies to me,family,friends,makes no difference who you are.....she had no whee to live when we broke up so she was homeless and living in a bed and breakfast for 3 months,been in and out of the hospital ..her longest stay was 2 months in the phyciatric hospital....i rented her a flat and am paying the rent the past 6 months ..i feel so guilty and sad seeing her life where it is now...i know i have enabled her to be dependant on me and now she doesnt know how to manage......but i need to know whey she lied about her cancer,her doctors wont tell me anything....they say i have no rights now.......is she a sociapath....???? im so worried .....i dont know what to believe anymore ,was my 16 years a lie....was i used.....what a mug....i loved her....i thought she loved me......what should i do now....? to help myself and her...????
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you sound like a very caring person....almost where you sacrifice your own wellness. I hope i am not being too harsh because you sincerely sound like you have a great caring heart.October 20, 2011 - 10:26am
I been there myself too. We love these people but after counseling I had to face that they like their lives the way they are since they never seek out help or sincerely try to get better.
My little sister has ...we guess, borderline personality. She can be the best sweetest sister...but she also can be very manipulating. I always assumed she learned that behavior from my parents who also are manipulating.
But she also is anorexia...was down to 90lbs where she looked like either someone at end stage of HIV or cancer...bones sticking out. She wear baggy clothes to hide it and you know...she still thought she was fat!
She also cuts herself....which i also did when i had break down..my parents believe her lies..
we have not seen her for years....and i miss her greatly. it is her choice. In one way i think she is the smartest since my family is so sick...my dad is pedophile, my mom stayed with him when she found out he abused my older sister and i... he resents me because i broke the silence and told truth.
So i think Rosa advice is wise...take time for yourself now...i say even get some counseling and find out why you put her over yourself so often? How can you get in healthy relationship with yourself and than others....it is so much nicer when it is give/take equal relationship...i am doing much the same work on myself now.
Good luck and i bet once you take care of yourself ..you find someone that really loves you for you.
I am so sorry that you lived with someone who was constantly lying to you. However, it does sound like she has a mental disorder and she unfortunately, couldn't help herself.
Among perhaps another personality disorder, it sounds like your ex may have had Munchausen syndrome.
Munchausen (MOON-chow-zun) syndrome is a serious mental disorder in which someone with a deep need for attention pretends to be sick or gets sick or injured on purpose. People with Munchausen syndrome may make up symptoms, push for risky operations, or try to rig laboratory test results to try to win sympathy and concern.
Munchausen syndrome belongs to a group of conditions, called factitious disorders, that are either made up or self-inflicted. Factitious disorders can be psychological or physical. Munchausen syndrome refers to the most severe and chronic physical form of factitious disorder.
Munchausen syndrome is a mysterious and hard to treat disorder. However, medical help is critical for preventing serious injury and even death caused by the self-harm typical of Munchausen syndrome.
You can read more about it here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/munchausen-syndrome/DS00965
As far as personality disorders, take a look through these symptoms--neither you nor I can diagnose her but if you really want to learn more about personality disorders, here are the symptoms: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562/DSECTION=symptoms
If you can get her to check in to either a Behavioral Unit or Mental health unit, this would be ideal. However, you need to start taking care of yourself after 16 years. If she has family, contact them and let them try to help her-- this is not your responsibility anymore and it sounds like you need to break free from her for your own health. I am not asking you to abandon her, but you need some time to yourself right now.
RosaOctober 3, 2011 - 6:30am