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my bf never wants to kiss me properly or have sex and its always been like that

By May 21, 2011 - 6:02am
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Hi I just typed into google what i was lookin for and one of ur stories popped up from October 2009, kind the same thing im goin through, my bf never wants to kiss me properly or have sex,weve been 2gether a year next month (June) i noticed the problem in september i think we started sleeping 2gether in july or august i like 2get 2 no sum1 b4 i do that, but when we were 2gether he didnt really try it on, the 1st 2 times we were gettin it on were great he wud rub my leg and i wud get excited he wud go further up my skirt, and now thats all i think about as i said that happed twice when we 1st got together, months later still nothing its always me tring it on wiv him like ur other story i lie their naked, say sum dirty flirty things, sexy underwear, but 2bh its getting a bit desprate now a couple of months ago he came to bed and didnt try anythin i stated to cry he said it wasnt me that im beautiful and he finds me attractive and he loves me, he always uses different excuses now sayin i have a high sex drive i wud b happy gettin it once a week if i dont try it on wiv him the longest ive waited is 3 wks and yet it was still me tryin it, and now it because i insult him i have banta i call him gay and old thats it i wud never put him down, but ive started to think he is gay and ive even thought mayb it wud b better if he was cheatin that way i wud no, i no he works long hours, and thought mayb that was it that his tired but no matter how tired u are u wud still make the effort, he said he was depressed so took him 2 a walk in clinc were still waiting to hear from them, i cud understand if he was depressed but u wud still want to kiss ur gf properly wudnt u, i get pecks and hugs im sorry but i need more in a relationship than that, we split for a day i thought he had a break down thats when i took him to the clinc, but we kinda sorted it out we kinda had a fight over face book and i told him that i needed more and he needed help we sorted it when i say we sorted it he came to mind and just hugged, recently his like questioning my love for him sayin its more lust i feel for him coz i want sex and to be kissed wiv tounge, but i do love him i just wanna be close wiv him being intimate coz right now i feel his my gay bestfriend and now i dont even no if want to have sex wiv him anymore, i just want him to want me and he doesnt , i dont no what to do, i just want to b wanted by him, this is really hurting me now coz i think i will end up cheating on him or breaking up wiv him which i dont wanna do but i feel so low about it think if a bloke started bein affectionate wiv me, or flirting wiv me or just give me attention i might stray, not intentionally but i feel i dont get that from my bf and i now i dont no if i trust myself out anymore , which to b fair i dont really go out much anyway, but i think i just want the attention now, and now dont think i can b wiv him anymore how much more can i take ive tried wiv him he dont open up much the only way he will say their is a problem is through txt , he is a great bf in other ways brings me flowers now and then, wego out to eat we eat in, we go cinema,he just dont want to b intimate wiv me makes me feel like im askin for sumthing wrong and i dont think u shud ever ask for what im askin for coz i thought it was sumthin u got wiv out havin to ask, but the other thing is his always goin to the gym i mean at least 5 times a wk ive started to get a bit jelouse not that he nows but wish he wud give me half the attention that he puts into the gym.
what can i do, what should i do ive ran out of everything now.

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thats the thing he barely tells me stuff, weve talked about me trying it on wiv him then he will do the same so were takin it in turns, the ting is it frustrates me even more the fact we have to talk about it its just a big turn off, its like it was my turn to try it on wiv him so I did this morning, i got all naked got him to play wiv my boobs then i started to play wiv him then he was like same old, coz it was in bed, i dont no what he expects of me, dont get me wrong when i was wiv my ex i cud do it any place lights on or off but wiv my bf he doesnt really encourage me to make me feel good about it instead he makes me feel stupid, like if we are in the livin room (lounge) ill start playin wiv him he will say what u doin then that make feel like a right idiot like its abnormal for a gf to do that to her bf, ive tried to tell him i need to feel more confatable but he just expects me to try it on wiv him and now im really at the point where i cant b bothered its to much hard work, its not passionte his turned it into a chour, his the only bloke that ive had to try it on wiv all the time my ex used to try it on wiv me all the time make me feel wanted, im not compairing them as their didfferent people and my ex is a dick head but its started to make me feel like the sex life i had wiv my ex was that normal or abnormal i think it was normal and i think wiv my bf its abnormal i dont like thinkin of the sex wiv my ex but its just started to make me think about my sex life, after i tried it on wiv my bf this morning after he spoke about it being same old he went limp so i just said its gone dead then turned over coz i was upset, then pretended to fll asleep, then he went in2 the livin room then that upset me even more coz he wud rather be in their watchin tv than bein in bed wiv me.

May 30, 2011 - 5:33am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Katie May,
Thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry to hear your having such difficulty with your partner. One of the first things I will mention about your post, is try not to harbor your own disappointment in him with regard to calling him names (gay). Name calling never seems to solve anything and so many of us start name calling when we get frustrated and have no other way to communicate our frustration.

If your questioning your loyalty to him due to the lack of sexual contact, you should certainly voice this opinion to him and have a heart to heart talk about the possibility of trying everything to make the relationship work or walking away. These are two possibilities that only you two can make a decision about. Perhaps he is really gay and he is having a hard time dealing with those feelings. In any case, you need to know. Communication between you and him is key and trying to get him to speak to you in a non-confrontational way is important. The reality of "if your relationship is moving forward, stuck in a rut or needs to be abolished" are the answers you need and only you and him can come to that conclusion. Talk to him...

I hope this helps and keep us posted.

May 22, 2011 - 8:54am
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