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My boyfriend is ten years older than me. I am 28 and he is 38. He doesn't seem to be as affectionate or want to make love as much as he used to..I'm not sure f this is a health question..but what do i do?

By Anonymous September 3, 2012 - 3:30pm
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My boyfriend and i have been together for9 months. He works 7 days a week as he has done since we've met. We use to make love all the time and now he doesn't seem as affectionate or want to make love to me. he holds me at night and tells me he loves me all the time..i know for a fact he isn't cheating..but he makes no effort to have sex and when we do he rushes it. Sometimes ill roll over in the middle of the night and he'll be pleasuring hisself. i 've actually caught him in the act but didnt confront him right away. When i did ask a few days later why he takes care of it on his own when he knows i am more than willing anytime to do the deed..he denies doing it and gets angry..one time he said he does it in his sleep. which is not true. ive caught him wide awake. he use to want me by his side every second and couldnt wait to get my clothes off. i am crushed and feeling insecure and miss our love life. why is he doing this and what do i do? i feel so unattractive and feel like he has changed because the man i know gave me his attention every second of every day. now he avoids sex but never tells me no if i initiate it. im not very experienced in bed and havent slept around a lot and am wondering if he is dissappointed in my performance..he says hes not but then doesn't hesitate to do hisself when he is laying right next to me. We are also ten years apart in age. what could be his problem? please help me because i dont know what to do.

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EmpowHER Guest

I would like to know myself I'm 28 and he is 38 I love him and he says he loves me we have been together almost 5 months and everything is great even the sex but he only seems to want it twice a week if that he says it's because he is tired and I'm sure he is he works hard and I don't want him feeling like all I want is sex I want to make him happy in other ways too I don't want him thinking all I'm after is sex but lately he just makes up excuses when I try to kiss him or touch him it's


December 30, 2016 - 1:18am

Hello Anonymous,

There are issues with your relationship. Honest communication is one of them. Only your boyfriend knows why he prefers masturbating over having sexual intercourse with you. If he will not tell you why, I, nor any one else can tell you the reason.

Maybe you need to seriously evaluate your relationship with him. What other interests do you both share? Is sex all that your relationship is about?


September 3, 2012 - 4:56pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Maryann Gromisch RN)

We usually communicate really well and this problem has seemed to come out of nowhere. he used to be so sensitive to my feelings and wants and now that we have established a serious relationship he doesn't seem to want to work as hard as i do at it. when i try to communicate with him he calls it complaining and tells me im insecure. i approach the subject of sex very gently and open-minded with him so that it doesn't hit him wrong to where he thinks i'm unhappy with our sex life or that hes doing something wrong. he used to be so in tune to my feelings and always pushed for me to communicate more..now that i do..he gets aggravated. i really dont understand the masturbating thing..weve only been together 9 months. he says he doesn't need sex every day and neither do i..but like i said he takes care of himself on a daily basis instead of rolling over and making love to me..i tell him it makes me insecure and feel unattractive..but since he denies it we get nowhere. im willing to fix the issue any way i can..but he would rather roll over and go to sleep than talk about our problems..there was a time when all he cared about was making love to me and communicating..now he says he doesn't like the way it makes him feel when i "complain" and he doesn't want to feel like he has to work to make me happy. i feel like the person he showed me in the beginning of our relationship is different than who he really is. i know he loves me..but i cant make it work by myself. i tried to explain all of this to him,but he always feels like im placing some kind of blame on him and not excepting him for who he is..counseling is out of the question because hes to stubborn to listen to anyone else. im wondering if our age difference might be a factor in all this. we are also raising four kids together..he has 2 boys from a previous marriage and i have two girls from a previous marriage. he doesn't want me to leave and tells me he loves me all the time..but i still feel like there is a wall between us that wasnt there before.

September 4, 2012 - 11:17am
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