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my husband and I have been married for 15 months now and ever since our little one was born he doesn't want to have sex at all.

By Anonymous September 20, 2015 - 12:06am
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I have talked to him about it several times and he just gives me excuses. He doesn't like how he looks bc of his weight, his back or something hurts, he doesn't feel good, he is depressed bc he doesn't bring home alot of money and I make all of the money. He also says that he doesn't want to bc of the baby that she will hear us and if she is in the same room he cant. I have caught porn on his phone, gay porn too and it's disturbing. Idk what more I can do. I have told him he might lose me someday bc I have needs too. I have been pondering if I should just tell him if he doesn't I'm gonna go find it elsewhere which that wouldn't be hard to do.

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Hello and thank you for choosing EmpowHer,
I appreciate how you've handle this and you did right to express your needs. Now it is time for you to look a little deeper at why he is avoiding sex.
Causes for low libido fall into 2 categories: physical and mental.
-Depression is one of the #1 causes for low libido.
-Low Testosterone: a leading cause in men
-Psychological traumas
-Sexual orientation

I suspect that your husband doesn't have a problem with you. I think he is avoiding sex because of a personal issue, especially if he is watching gay porn. If he is depressed and perhaps even into men, then threatening to have sex with someone else isn't going to persuade him to have sex with you. If you do wish to be sexually intimate with him, you need to make it attractive for him. Do not make him feel in trouble. Recognize that he is probably struggling with serious issues he may be too scared to share with you. You have the power as his wife, to help him through the secret challenges he's facing; not only for his sake but also for your own advantage.

September 20, 2015 - 5:10pm
(reply to fchacon)

So how do I help him?

September 20, 2015 - 5:36pm
Guide (reply to RosemarieG1802)

Show genuine concern and sensitivity toward him. For example, get a baby-sitter, go somewhere you know he will like, be sweet, tell him you love him and have noticed he's been low and struggling. This will prove to him that you see him, you care about him.
That may be all it takes for him to open up to you and tell you his true struggles. That's the first step. After he tells you, then you will have a clearer picture of how to solve the problem.
Not that he should feel sorry for himself at all, since you're doing all the bread-winning, but keep in mind that a new baby sometimes takes all the attention and husbands can also feel neglected in their own home just as mother's can.

September 20, 2015 - 6:58pm
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