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I have researched this a lot today, and have read some related issues people are having with their boyfriends as I am having with mine, except they all used to have sex often with their significant others, and I am not.
I started dating my current bf about 4 months ago, and on these dates the topic of sex came up. I refused to have sex w/o a commitment, so we just talked about what to expect if and when that time ever came with us. He had said he liked it at least once a day, and in different positions. I had told him honestly that I was not as well-educated in the art of karma sutra and he had said that was fine. He will "teach me things". I had also told him that I hated my body and was very self-consious about it (I had lost 50lbs three or so years ago, and as a result have some extra skin). He had said not to worry, and he will help me get past that.
We did end up becoming commited about three months ago. After our first time together, he never mentioned anything about my body being fine, etc. I didn't think he liked how i looked, and my suspicions grew when it turned out that him and I only had sex once a week. I sometimes would initiate it, and sometimes he would do the initiating. . . the same two positions. I asked him why we only had sex once a week, and he said, "I don't know, that's just how it's been happening." Then suddenly the sex stopped about a month ago. I asked him what happened, and he said, "I've been busy." I don't know with what, because I was right there with him. There was always time to fit in sex. I intiated it the day after New Years, and everything seemed fine, but when Monday - our "usual day" passed, and we didn't do anything all day, I had to bring it up again last night, and he gave the same excuse.
He has also been talking about a secretary at his job who used to hit on him (I had known about her before), and who is now dating his brother. He seems to talk about her all the time, just saying how annoying she is, etc. It's making me feel like he is jealous that his brother is with her. I can't explain it...but it has me wondering if this can be it, or maybe my body really does turn him off. I should also point out that he had told me, back when we were dating, that his favorite position is doggie, but he has only done that with me once (my "extra skin" from my weight loss is in fact on my butt).
If there is any advice I can get, please help :/
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Just as every relationship is unique, so are the reasons or causes behind your partner's choices in his behavior towards you. We have compiled the “best responses” received from both men and women in regards to your specific question, and hope you read through them thoughtfully. Women have been going through the same struggles, and have shared their insight and lessons learned. Men have also shared why they did not want to have sex in their strained relationships. Please let us know what “words of wisdom” or “tips” resonated with you from the following articles (not sure if these were included in your research).
Helpful Relationship and Sex Articles:
Please let us know what you think after reading those articles, or use some ideas to initiate an open, loving conversation with your boyfriend. Ask the questions you want to know. It also sounds like you may still have some self-confidence issue left over from your weight loss. You accomplished a great thing, nothing can hold you back! It may help you to talk with a counselor to work through how this situation and your weight loss has affected you. Get comfortable in your own skin, and your boyfriend will either get on board, or get lost.
January 7, 2011 - 8:02amGood luck, and let us know how you are doing.
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