Verbal belittling causing stress and anxiety

By Anonymous October 27, 2014 - 4:45am

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Before I quit my work in Malaysia I went to UK to help a friend for her post delivery for 2 months. During her confinement I was ask to take care of the baby at night and do the household chores, belittled and mentally abused with just 200 pounds when promised 1,000 pounds. Came back to Malaysia with two months car and house mortgages not paid I went over to Singapore to seek job. Was offered a position with the Airlines but because of stress and belitting fromm spouse I developed an anxiety disorder which aggravates my blood pressure to rise to 200/110 and I lost the job offer. While I hope my spouse could understand and give me a shoulder to cry he harped on the issue I wasted the time in UK when he allowed me to go then. While in Singapore most jobs which I am capable of was only for Singaporean and not residents. All this while I have been a good employee and have good relationship with my former colleaques and employer. My husband accused me of not assisting him financially. I have not been working for almost ten years to nurture and take care of my son who is gifted and academically inclined. Now that he is studying in Singapore and will be in national service soon my husband asked me to come over and make this place our permanent home. Formerly we were in Malaysia because of the lower cost of living and better environment for child rearing. All my husband's life he is paying for accomodation, food and maintenance of his parents, brother who are divorced with two kids. Now that my son is studying in college the finance are tight. The past one year I had a fall and injured my head of which I was not able to work. The second year I worked to pay for the car and house mortgages and my own spending and then he requested that I come over to Singapore to help him clear his fis credit card finances which he had over used previously to pay for his his father's heart operation bill. Formerly I had helped him pay his brother's debt which he borrowed from triad society and now that he is working , the brother in law is not contributing and he says nothing. He accused me of wasting my youth not working for ten years to nurture the son. All this while I worked part times in between taking care of the son until I was not able to do so. My father in law stops working when he was in mid 30 and mmy husband and his sister had to fend for themselves. His father used to hurl abusive words towards my mother in law. My husband labelled me lazy psycho when my blood pressure rise beyond the norm. At the age of 48 he told the mother no one is going to offer me any better job except cleaning tables. I held many administrative and sales job and I baked and cooked well. I even designed and custom made ladies wedding and dinner shoes. There are people who repeat orders but with all the embroidery and embellishment by hand by myself and the long process it was more of a hobby as I could not made it in bulks. It is so frustrating and tired to please everyone, even my own family esp my sis looks down on me, I helped financed one of my sister through college, helped another got through suicide giving mental supports and finance but today when they made it financially they turn their back on me and accused me of many things. When I raised my child together with theirs they said I was too strict and their kids need not excel, today when my son excelled they accused me of being selfish and only nurture my own kid. Their kids were very close to me like my own child and remain so but I was accused of demoralizing them and because of me thir kids did not excel in exams. Hubby once betrayed me by having an affair with a colleaque from china hurling abuse at me saying I was childish, not refined and only he would want me. At y age I still have male admirers who pursued me but because I am afraid of man and do not wish to have another relationship we remain as good friends only.

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Empowered

Misty Jacobs HERWriter

Dear Anon,

You have certainly had your share of struggles. There is a 12-Step program for developing healthy relationships called Co-Dependents anonymous. They have a Singapore branch. Check out the website to see if it's right for you:

http://www.codasingapore.org/

Wishing you health and happiness,

Misty

December 6, 2014 - 2:17pm

Empowered

Maryann Gromisch RN Guide

Hello Anonymous,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community. We are here to help you as best we can. I am truly sorry to hear about the long standing emotional abuse you have been victim to, from spouse, siblings, and in-laws.

The bottom line is you need to get out of this situation. The way will be more challenging.

Fortunately, your son is a young adult and a college student. Is your husband paying for the college expenses? Is there financial aid available to your son? I am not familiar with the education system in Singapore.

In the United States, there are safe places for women who are abused to seek shelter and counseling. Is there any similar type of service available to you?

You need to start over again. You need help getting back into the work force. Being financially independent, you can have a new life free of the verbal abuse from your husband and family.

Regards,
Maryann

October 27, 2014 - 8:44am