Why does my boyfriend have anti-sex phases?

Ok, did you ever watch Sex and the City? If not, or even if you did on the occasion... and haven't watched many of them... you should go rent them a couple of boxes at a time. Start with series 1 and go up.
The reason I am saying that is because a lot of it (specifically Carrie's character) teaches women some good principles for women in and out of relationships, how to still be true to yourself. You'll know what I mean as you watch them. I'm not referring to their "activities" but more their guidelines for tuning in to YOURSELF.

You don't have to take this advice, as I said before... you do what you feel is best for you. But I feel like it is important (certainly at your age) to make sure to learn to be in love without losing yourself. Have your own interests that are separate from the relationship. I'm not saying that you have to keep it private or secret or anything like that at all. But something that you do for you! Make plans at least once every couple of weeks, when he is available to you, to go to dinner and a movie with a girlfriend. Or go shopping, a ball game if you like sports, whatever... and just tell him a day or so before that you are gonna go do that. I think it is good to have some time that is separate from your circle and each other. It builds strength and exerts some independence, which is healthy.
You can't bank on what the future would hold... and it's important to be in tune with yourself.
If he makes plans, great... tell him, you guys can hook up later that night or day or the next day, whatever.
Besides... guys like you to be a bit mysterious to boot! :-)

Most of the time I'll hang out with my friends if he is busy because he has a job and I don't. We have basically the same friends though so alot of the time it's all of us together (basically all our friends are in relationships and we are all friends with one another). But yeah I'll make plans with my girlfriends as long as I don't already have plans with him.

Your last post just made me think of something... do you also go out with your friends? I mean just make plans and go... not having anything to do with whethe or not he has plans to do something?

Haha oh I completely understand. I can be a little crazy at times because I have somewhat of a short temper. But yeah I tried to handle this issue with as little anger as possible.
I understand what you are saying but my boyfriend and I are much much younger, and although I can be clingy at times, I am serious enough about our relationship that I want to let him have the chance to go out and have some fun at places like hooters because we aren't planning on breaking up anytime soon and if I didn't let him do things like that, he would never have the chance to. Also I would probably drive him insane because I wouldn't let him do anything. He said after we were done discussing the lying thing that maybe this was a good learning experience for the both of us because he now knows what will happen if he wants to go to hooters and if he lies. And I learned to pry more if I feel something like this is happening haha. I really do want him to feel like he's allowed to have fun with his friends though. And he knows that I have ways of finding out what he does when he's with his friends because I'm friends with his friends too :)

I am glad that you handled it the way you did... I like to be calm about it because guys love to write it off as you "freaking out" or acting "psycho". Why is it that almost every guy in the world will tell you that their ex was a psycho? After some dating, I came to realize that when they said that... 9 times out of 10. The reason she was psycho, was because of something that he did that hurt her and because she was in a relationship and loved the guy... her love turned to anger and she had some emotional yelling ordeal. I hate when guys call women that... not to say there aren't some really crazy girls out there, but they aren't ALL of us!

As far as strip clubs, my husband refuses to go to them... Not to say he wouldn't want to if he was single but he thinks it is stupid to go there while you are married or dating someone seriously. He says it is just putting yourself in a bad place for a guy to be and not invite some issues into the relationship. I am sure if he had a bachelor party for one of his GOOD friends he'd go. I don't care if he does or not, but my rules are: No private dances, no tipping and he'd better NEVER let one of them touch him in any way shape or form!! The reason... he is not giving money to some other woman for dancing around half naked... I can do that if he wants to give his money away! :)

You did great! You are welcome to send a message any time, I love to think all of my lessons (hard earned believe me) weren't for nothing!! Women are supposed to stick together!

Oh and I also considerthe women at hooters or strip clubs not real or threats because of the nature of their job, it's not like any emotional attachment can go on there...

I love this website. I really do. Haha. I was literally smiling reading that last paragraph.
Anyway, when I was talking to him about it he said that since he had never gone to a place like hooters before while dating me, he wasn't sure if I would let him and he wanted to go with a group of his single friends. He also claimed that he thought I knew he was going because his brother was walking around the house yelling "YEAH HOOTERS!!!" thr day before, when I was at his house. I honestly didn't put two and two together. So I totally understand why he was afraid to tell me. I also told him exactly what you said, witholding information like that IS the same as lying and he lost some of my trust by doing that. I also asked him if we could go together sometime (I was supposed to go a few months ago with friends but the group got split up while we were there and I ended up missing it) anyway, I also said that I have absolutly have no problem with hooters or strip clubs or anything like that because if he's gotthe self control, he can handle it. If not, I'm gone. I understand him wanting to go to places like that cause of the curiosity and stuff and I mean, why not? He's 18...he can have a little fun. Haha.
Thanks for all of that advice :) I feel great knowing that I can get instant feedback on issues like this that I may have.

Worried? Maybe a little... but let me explain why.

First, Hooter's to the mature woman (and you are sure entering into that territory) is a joke. It's harmless really, unless you have a guy you can't trust, in which case the grocery store or Blockbuster's... or anywhere is a danger! :)
I think you have cause to be worried about his 'need' to sneak around... to go. It is sneaking... no matter what you might tell yourself, because I think in a committed relationship, you do have an obligation to respect the other person's feelings. So I would suggest, that if you choose to talk with him about it... you might say something of this nature, "while I can only ASSUME that while you were there you didn't do anything to cause me to doubt your commitment to me, your need to "withhold" the information, as far as I am concerned, is sneaking around to go. The reason this bothers me is because if you will 'sneak' around to do that... you will sneak around to do anything else. Which would cause me to think that you are dishonest and untrustworthy". You also might ask him how he'd take it if you did something of that nature and "withheld" the information?? Since he is in trouble... he will play it off and make it innocent and a simple oversight that he didn't tell you. Make sure to set him straight that you are not an idiot and don't appreciate him thinking that you would buy that for a minute.

You teach people how to treat you!! So make it clear that withholding information is the same thing as lying... and that is NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Men are visual by nature!! His noticing beauty isn't wrong, so long as he doesn't disrespect you by GAWKING or flirting or anything outside of that. I had to teach that to my husband too... I even told him that he is welcome to tell me if he thinks someone is pretty, I like to have that kind of open door policy (although he never does that). He used to be really bad about noticing an attractive girl and staring. It totally offended me... I knew how he felt about me and that he loved me!! Never doubted his attraction to me at all! However, he didn't know how to notice and glance and look away... I made it clear to him that I notice attractive men (I'm in a relationship... I'm not dead!). But that he never saw me NOTICING one... which he agreed he hadn't. I said to him, that is because I know how to notice without disrespecting you!! I love him and don't want anyone else and that I'd never want him to doubt that!

I always like to give a man or guy just enough rope to hang themselves (I was married once in my early 20's for about 6 years and single for 9 before remarrying so I had some practice). I figure, as much as it might eat me up to think of him in such a place (in your case a Hooter's), if he's going to be unfaithful... he's going to do it one way or another. I find that giving them that rope turns out one of two ways...they prove their trustworthiness and respect you for being a "cool" girlfriend, or they prove that they are a waste of your time and you can thank them for not wasting any more of your time!!!

I don't know if you ever go with him to Hooter's but tell him to take you with him some time. Every man on the continent will tell you that they go for the beer and the wings. The wings aren't good at all (Buffalo Wild Wings are much better) and the beer tastes the same as anywhere else... (for the drinking age people! :) But tell him you heard the wings were good, so you'd like to give them a shot. Then maybe he can go and not have to hide it.

Lastly, I have found that the most important thing a woman can possess, as far as attractiveness... is CONFIDENCE! So remember, the women in their are nothing to worry about. If that is all they have to earn a paycheck, well all power to them. I consider myself to be beautiful and sexy as well, but I have the ability and intelligence to work in a professional field with a professional's pay. So luckily, I never had to work at Hooter's. Not even at that age!! You don't either and you can feel confident with the fact that you are anything they are but more! Ok??

Thanks so much. Well actually you know, now that you mention it...you obviously know about how guys are if you've got a husband and I can always use a second opinion. Do you think I should worry about my boyfriend going to hooters without telling me?

People do not always agree with my way of thinking and I may not always agree with someone else's. But one thing that I won't do is alter my way of thinking to conform or take on ideas or thoughts which do not coincide with my beliefs... whatever they may be.
In saying that, I totally respect your choices and hope that you continue to find happiness and fulfillment. Just remember one thing for me ~ No one will EVER take care of your happiness and well being the way YOU can! So always make sure you are taking as good a care of you as you do the ones you love!

Any time you need to toss around a thought... I'll be around!