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why does my boyfriend still please himself rather than wait to have sex with me?

By Anonymous June 21, 2010 - 2:37am
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I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 months now and our sex life has never been fantastic. He says he can't orgasm more than once a day, so we don't have sex for a long time because when i'm not in the house and he wants sex, he will wank. Most of the time he says "Sorry darling can't do it, i've already done it today" or half way through sex he says "I cant do it, I did it a few days ago." Turning him on is easy, but every time we have sex it's a marathon and he starts sweating and then he gets tired and can't orgasm at the end. He is young and fit and meant to be in his prime. I've tried to spice things up and experiment but nothing helps. It's really getting me down and I feel i'm not sexy enough for him but when I try and ask him he says it's not me it's him. Is there something wrong with him?

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Hi I'm Sergio . I don't think it's nornal. I'm dealing with the same thing but opposite. I jack off everyday, I have to beg for it , sometimes she just lay down and tells me to hurry and finish . I tell her all the time if she doest want it or want me , to let me go. I'm not sure if it's cause I take to long to finish or sometimes she tells me it hurts . I've ripped her a couple of times 6 I m 33 yrs old the times that it's gone down has been when I had alcohol. I know that other drugs and medicine affect too. My wife was not my dream girl but when we have sex if I'm on top and look at her face I get really hard. Doing it in different position is always good. Sometimes guys are different, I loved it when my wife would cuddle in bed now she don't let me touch her at all. (At ALL) I like staying at home and watching movies but when I sit next to her she tells me to move. Anyways good luck. Their is other guys that would love to please women. If your husband can't do it

March 29, 2016 - 5:40am
EmpowHER Guest

He might be Gay

April 8, 2015 - 9:50am
EmpowHER Guest

Can anyone help??

I have moved in with my boyfriend of 7years. At the being sex was great and know everything has changed! We use to have sex 3 maybe 4 times a week now I'm lucky if it's one.
I have found porn on his fone and we have talked about it. He would watch it more than 3 times a week but yet won't look near me. He tells me he loves me but never shows me.
When we do have sex its like a quick job. Feels like he doesn't care about me just to shut me up. There's no foreplay no touching just in and out. It feels like evrytime I touch him he's scared of it leading to something else
I don't know what to do anymore I have tried everything.
I forget what it's like to be touched.

February 2, 2015 - 12:56pm
EmpowHER Guest

My live in boyfriend of nearly two years now doesn't want to have sex with me or if we do...comes in a minute and he's done. yesterday he stopped in the middle of sex, went limp and tells me he knows I like it hard and fast and he's not going to do that and isn't even sure if I orgasm ever. Our sex life used to be amazing, up to 5 times a day then fast forward to now and this is happening. He tells me he loves me and yet I know he's jerking off multiple times a day, watching porn and doesn't want to share his fantasies with me. I'm hot and actually used to do porn in my 20's well before we met. He just says he gets tired and it's easier to jerk off. He says he's faithful. We tend to have arguments when he drinks beer...a lot of beer at a time like 20. i pay for most of the living expenses but have nearly reached my breaking point. I love him but seriously think I need to kick him out. My heart, self esteem and happiness can't take it.

December 24, 2011 - 1:41pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm interested and take heart from the response above. I'm a 50 year old woman. I've been in a relationship for 8 years with a man who does not want to have sex with me. Ever since we first slep together he has not been keen to repeat. We are compatible in every other way and have a close friendship. He is 8 years younger than me. I was a bit nervous when we first had sex. Normal I would expect. I have never had an orgasm during actual sex, but am quite content with that. Perhaps that is what put him off. Eventually he admitted, to my horror, that he's "had better". But by then I had already fallen in love with him. Within weeks of meeting me he confessed that he was addicted to porn. We began living together a year after we met and have lived together for 7 years now. The situation has got worse and worse. Even though we have a very close and happy friendship the sex is virtually non existent, I'm talking twice, or three times a year at my instigation. He doesn't come now. I know he has been watching porn as I've found evidence on the computer. Over the years he has become more careful but occassionally I have caught him at it or he has not cleared the history. He continues to assert that he is not attracted to me and that there is no 'chemistry'. He continues to look at porn daily. He refuses to go to counselling about this. I have been to counselling alone and was basically told i am in an abusive relationship. It's so hard to leave. In every other way our relationship is great, and he has been very kind to me in many ways. He now says that the porn watching is a symptom and not a cause - that it is his way of getting his needs met as he would 'rather not' have sex with me. ( I should add that I am a normal healthy woman, and everyone i know says I look in my 30's). I tried losing weight but he took absolutely no notice. He will not look up from his book if i appear naked in front of him. He said that there is nothing i can do to make him fancy me. I am in utter despair. I have gained weight out of misery. But now feel I have reached a turning point. At 50 I shouldnt be feeling so lacking in confidence due to the man who I share my life with. I have been so stressed I am now on betablockers to slow down my racing heart. I intend to ask him one more time to stop looking at porn and get some treatment for this addiction, or I'm going to show him the door. It's hard at my age to feel I am looking at the distinct possibility of being single again, but I need to get some self respect and happiness back somehow. I do belive that he has an addiction to porn and like any addict he is very protective of his fix. Pity.

December 21, 2011 - 12:49am
EmpowHER Guest

I am a young male in my early twenties in good physical condition. The main problem that your boyfriend is experiencing is due to watching porn, guaranteed. Before I became sexually active with others, I watched a lot of porn. Once I started having sex, I couldn't maintain an erection for too long because I was so used to masturbating a certain way to the most perfect (but fake) looking women online. Once I stopped watching porn, my sex life dramatically improved. It is definitely a difficult habit to break but it would solve this problem. Just give it a few weeks of absence from porn and your boyfriend should be able to perform. The logic behind this being that you'll be the only naked person he'll be seeing so he won't be able to help getting turned on and staying on.

June 21, 2011 - 6:11am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Yeah but what if he lies about watching porn? It's obvious when he goes in the bathroom. The only time he locks the door is when he's doing it. What's funny is his insecurity about potentionally getting cheated on, but would rather please himself than his partner.

December 28, 2015 - 11:28am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi, my name is mekayla, I am going through the same issues. My boyfriend is 18 and in good physical condition but he gets exhausted during sex and passed out once and im horrified im gunna like kill him or something. He still doesn't know this. But there's also another thing that's bothering me like CRAZY he watches ALOT of porn and jerks it alot which leaves me thinking im not good enough, I don't look like those girls and I cant do what they can, but that's what turns him on, this leaves me feeling worthless and unwanted. Sorry one more thing we'll just be sitting there watching tv or something and he'll start jerking it and doesn't want to have sex, I've talked to him about all of this but he just keeps assuring me that im all he wants but I don't quite buy it. Please help me so I can understand this

January 8, 2011 - 8:39pm
(reply to Anonymous)

There are a few points that you made that are concerning to me:
- he passed out during sex. Do you know why? Does he have medical conditions that have been diagnosed (or, has he been to the doctor recently?). Passing out during sex, at age 18, is not normal.

- he masturbates in front of you/next to you, while you are both sitting casually watching TV, and he knows you don't approve of this? This is very strange behavior, at least not a sign of a healthy relationship where he is taking your concerns into consideration. I'm wondering if there are other communication issues between you two, and not just about sex?

January 9, 2011 - 9:31pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

I have no idea why, it was really random, he just said he didn't feel good then like 10 seconds later he passed out. He's been to the doctor recently for a physical for his job, but never told me the doctor had any concerns.
He's quit doing other things that I asked him to,and he's slightly gotten better with this one, if I confront him while he's doing it he'll apologize and say its out of habbit. We communicate good. Well at least I think we do,I never really feel like there's any dead space. But then again this is a long distance relationship due to bus job. So we don't really talk about things that's bothering us because we don't want to ruin the conversation. I get to see him most weekends, but im to the point where I don't feel like its enough. And to make things even more confusing he proposed to me last night!!! (Sorry for my rambling message, I tend to do that)

January 9, 2011 - 10:29pm
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