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I have lived with my boyfriend for 10 months now and our sex life has never been fantastic. He says he can't orgasm more than once a day, so we don't have sex for a long time because when i'm not in the house and he wants sex, he will wank. Most of the time he says "Sorry darling can't do it, i've already done it today" or half way through sex he says "I cant do it, I did it a few days ago." Turning him on is easy, but every time we have sex it's a marathon and he starts sweating and then he gets tired and can't orgasm at the end. He is young and fit and meant to be in his prime. I've tried to spice things up and experiment but nothing helps. It's really getting me down and I feel i'm not sexy enough for him but when I try and ask him he says it's not me it's him. Is there something wrong with him?
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Thank you both for your advice, that makes me feel a lot better and now I know what to do. :)
June 24, 2010 - 1:31amThis Comment
It sounds like this is more than a health problem, especially given that you know he has a habit of masturbating AND that he is in the prime of his life. (Link to commercial site removed by moderator.) You deserve a better love life than what he's providing. I KNOW how tough this can be, I'm going through it right now with my boyfriend. It's hard to keep my self-esteem in tact when I know that I wasn't his fantasy, I wasn't his escape, that other women (on a computer) were in charge of his "love life." I don't know if that's how you feel, but if you do, you should do everything you can to protect and care for yourself. It's been tough to get through this, but because of my boyfriend's WILLINGNESS to change, his WILLINGNESS to see how much this affects me, we've been able to work through it. Our whole relationship is different now, but not because of a program. First he had to be willing to change, to see his sex life in a completely different way, and it took a lot of time to even get to that point. I wish you the best, I wish you strength, and I hope you are able to, above all else, take care of yourself and stand up for YOUR needs.
June 23, 2010 - 9:37amThis Comment
Hi Lucky Pea
I'm sorry you are dealing with this because it is frustrating and we can't really give you a definitive answer. Masturbating is normal, of course, and young men in particular may masturbate quite often.
How is your relationship otherwise? Are you or your boyfriend stressed? Do you have open communication? Does he have any other issues with intimacy? This could be a health issue, if he really gets exhausted. But saying he can only perform once a day and stopping in the middle of sex really kind of sounds like something else.
Does he lose his erection when he stops? Or does he just say he wants to stop? It almost sounds like there is something else going on with him related to an intimacy issue or sexual issue that is emotional in nature rather than a medical problem. What does he say when you talk about it?
If you are comfortable sharing a little more information, perhaps we can point you in the right direction. In the meantime, we get a lot of sex questions here, and maybe reading the discussions will help you: https://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships and https://www.empowher.com/condition/sexual-well-being.
Thank you for writing.
June 22, 2010 - 6:49amThis Comment
Thanks for replying Cary. We're actually very open with each other and tell each other exactly how we feel. When he stops it's because he's exhausted and says he can't finish and then loses his erection. I guess recently we've been under stress with exams but we had the same problem after and since we got together last year.
June 22, 2010 - 7:27amFor him he has to be in the right state of mind for sex and he's more emotionally into it than physically. I'm not sure how to handle that.
I've asked him to stop masturbating so that when we have sex he could feel more satisfied. He tried this but now he's back in the habit and doesn't seem to care.
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Hi Again Lucky Pea
That extra detail of stopping, saying he's exhausted and losing the erection makes me think he could use a physical exam just to be sure everything is kosher. Has his diet changed or is he gaining weight or losing a lot of weight? Losing an erection in the middle of sex is a form of impotence, and while it can be emotional there are physical issues that can cause it as well, such as blood flow issues. I think in your situation I would ask him to see a doctor to get checked out, just in case he's become diabetic or has something else going on.
Please keep us posted and thank you for clarifying.
June 23, 2010 - 6:36amThis Comment