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Why doesnt my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

By Anonymous August 3, 2011 - 8:22pm
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I am 23 my boyfriend is 35. There is quite an age difference between us and even in the beggining we werent having sex a ton. We have been together over a yr now and there were days we would have sex a couple times sure...but now im lucky if I get it once a week. He used to be heavy into drugs which makes it difficult for him to perform bit in the beggining he just managed. Now there is always an excuse. Hes tired. Doesnt feel good ect. We have discussed it once or twice but he wont try viagra or anything like that and claims it isnt me. I m inlove with him. Very attracted to him. Want sex all the time but he doesnt. And when we do it doeant seem like he is very into it. I dont think hes cheating and I dont want to leave him but its hurting our realtionship. I dont have people to talk to aboit this and im looking for help. I dont want it to be the end of us. Wht can I do? How can I talk to him more about it? Get him to understand its really affecting us? Although he bt ells me it isnt me I feel as though it is and it hurts

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That is really weird, I don't know what might be wrong with him.
But you can try asking him, If there is nothing wrong and no problems anywhere then why did he change then?? You said your sexual life was happier earlier right? But know you are barely having any intimate time together, ya??
Ask him why is this change all of a sudden.
And do honestly tell him that, unlike him, you do find something wrong with not having sex. And that's totally normal because sex is actually the top level of love in a romantic-love relationship, and its in the human nature.
Tell him that both of you should be satisfied and you guys can find solution that satisfies both of you.
You can also do one thing, I am not sure, but it might work.
Try to act like him (meaning do not ask for sex), Control your needs and ignore any sexual desires. Act normal in everything else (eating, sleeping, laughing, the way you normally dress or talk to him etc.) I mean act completely normal in your daily activities. And just do not ask for having sex for a while (a couple of days, weeks, may be a month) and see when will he himself asks for it. And when he does just go over the issue again and tell him why did he change and how your sexual life was before and how it is now and all that (what I've told you up in this post).
I am not totally sure that these ideas might(not) work, because each person is different from the other and we never know whats inside his minds/thoughts.
I am actually just thinking with you about some strategies that MIGHT help.
Try your best if you love him :)
Good Luck,
Let us know what happens.

August 5, 2011 - 4:29am
EmpowHER Guest

The problem is I hve tried to talk to him about it and even asked him if it is me. He claims it isnt. Im very opened and willing to do what I need to to fix the problem but he isnt big on communicating with me. Like I said he has issues from drugs and I know he isnt cheating. I dont know how to fix a problem that he doesnt really see as a problem. He acts as though there is nothing wrong with not having sex.

August 4, 2011 - 7:02am

One tough reason that might be behind your man avoiding sex with you, is existence of any other girl in his life however, you said he is not cheating on you. If you are sure, then we rule out this option.
There are many reasons that could be behind that problem.
May be your man is under stress (financially, psychologically, might be problems with friends/family..etc).
Try to first ask him if there is anything in life is bothering him or causing him to stress out and let him share it with you to find solutions together.
Try also to ask him, if he does not like something in you, something in your looks, face, body etc. (It might be harsh on you, but you should be open minded and accept any criticizing so that you can work on that area, remember you said you love him so you guys have to be honest with each other)
At the end, you can tell him how sex is important for couples and how it develops any romantic/love relationship to the better. He probably knows all that but you could tell him that again by yourself in a nice and lovely way.
Tell him you want this relationship to continue happily for both of you.

The key, If you love each other, be honest with him and let him be honest with you.

Wishing You All the Best.

August 3, 2011 - 11:19pm
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