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I was brought up a very strict Catholic. And I mean VERY strict. I was not allowed to even have chaperoned "dates" with the opposite sex till I was 17. My first sexual encounter was at age 19, with my HS sweetheart. We were both virgins so much in love; but frankly not all that sure of what we were doing sexually speaking. Then we went our seperate ways. I met a European man in my early 20s and practiced safe sex using condoms. After several months, we were monogomous, I was and assumed he was too. I once asked him how many partners he'd had prior to me as he was almost 5 year older. He said 12. I was instantly aghast and intimidated considering my strict upbringing and. We had already begun to make love without condoms by that point and I was on the pill. We were about to move in together and saw a future together. I did not think much of this after some time. Then during a routine visit to my gynecologist I was tested positive for HPV. I also was given a (was it vinegar?) a sort of test on the vaginal skin, whereby I was also told I had genital warts even tho I couldnt see them. I was devastated. I called my european boyfriend in tears to tell him about my visit to the doctor. Nothing could have prepared me for this news. He and I of course knew it was not me, I was practically a virgin. We both knew my only sexual partner until that point had been also with a virgin. I was FURIOUS- shocked and absolutely livid. At age 24 having only had one partner - we were each others first then to have met my next boyfriend only to find out he had been with others &consequently passed what he had to onto me. I was warned about promiscuity. I held to passionately to the belief to abstinence until I met my true love who I anticipated marrying, remaining monogaomous with defined who I was, in fact. I said to the gyno "How horrible the 2nd man I have ever had sex with in life gives me an std" I was angry beyond repair. It was the most embittering experience Id ever had in love- before or since. We split. Turns out, I reconciled with my first love who chose no other lovers and wooed me back. We got married and stayed true to each other. He since has passed away and I have dated but not gone to bed with anyone. But now Im considering a sexual relationship with a man Ive fallen in love with- technically my 3rd sexual partner ever. Im almost 40. What do I say or do? I do belive obviously that promiscuity can make you very susceptible to STDs true. But as with what happened to me, sex with only one partner who happened to be a carrier is also possible. Im practically middle aged, was never promiscuous and so far slept with 2 men; one a virgin and the other was just the one time *unprotected*. The kind of emotional pain this has caused me all my life is the kind I could never get over. From my example it is SO easy to get infected even with merely one sexual act with one person, only the ONE time. Tragic. Especially considering my values, upbringing, and how I hold monogamy and abstinence until commitment so dear on a personal level. Especially now, Im frightened of what to say to my new love, how to approach the topic. Your thoughts and comments are welcome, especially from the medical community.
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Hi JenK,
March 8, 2012 - 12:37pmI think it's totally naturally to feel alone. I think part of the problem with HPV - that feeling like no one else has it- is because people don't talk about it because they feel embarrassed or that no one will understand. I still go through this even after 10 years of dealing with HPV. I truly believe we need to start talking about STI's so that people can become more informed. That feeling of depression I think comes with the territory too. I think it's important to have a really great group of supportive people around you.
Not too long ago I went to see my gynecologist/ oncologist. I was in one of my depressed states about having HPV. She said to me - HPV doesn’t define who you are. I thought well that's easy for her to say, but it's so true. Yes, it's something we have to live with and accept but it really doesn't define you. Remember as a human being - YOU are worth loving no matter what! This is my advice to you. Don't be so hard yourself - I know that's easier said than done.
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thank you! that is really what i needed to hear today!
March 8, 2012 - 3:25pmThis Comment
Both of your guys stories give me faith. I turned 17 on monday and also found out I have HPV. i feel so alone becuase no one else around me has it or knows they have it. My mom has been great and supportive but i am too afriad to tell me dad. Ive almost felt depressed about this whole thing, just hurt and dirty. Maybe some advice to help me feel better??
March 8, 2012 - 8:44amThis Comment
Hi Anon.
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.
Thanks for sharing your story!
I have been living with HPV for 10 years. I contracted the virus when I was 18 years old. Unfortunately, due to the lack of education regarding HPV, I was misdiagnosed as having skin tags- well these skin tags were actually warts. I was very careful with sexual relationships. This was my 3rd sexual encounter, but one time (like you said) was all it took. I made an extremely poor choice of judgment by having unprotected sex. Not only did I contract HPV, I also became pregnant with twins.
March 7, 2012 - 2:17pmI don’t know if he knew that he had the virus, I didn’t see any symptoms of warts – but at that age I hadn’t even heard of the HPV before.
When thinking about telling a potentially new significant other it can be extremely frightening and maybe even embarrassing. I have been in a sexual relationship since my HPV diagnosis and I have told every person I have ever had a relationship with sexual or non-sexual. I know that is my responsibility.
I am 29 years old and now married. I remember getting the courage to tell my husband (then boyfriend) about my HPV. For me, I have never been clear of the virus due to an organ transplant – the medication I am on suppresses my immune system therefore my body cannot fight the virus.
I definitely think you have to tell any new partner about your HPV related diagnosis. If he doesn’t understand- then ask yourself do you really want to be with someone like that? You are worth loving and you deserve that. The more honest you are I think makes you a better person. I truly believe honesty is the best policy.
Like you said, it doesn’t matter how many sexual partners one has, it only takes one. Keep your immune system healthy if you can and make sure you get your regular check-ups. Your potential partner may even have the virus and not even know it.
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