Today I was diagnosed with HPV - I have genital warts. I alternate between being okay, knowing that everything will be okay, to being really upset and worried. I know that worrying won't really help anything, but for a little bit I'm pretty sure it's going to be a side effect as I am researching the virus so I can have a better idea about what's going on.
It seems to me, from what I've read, a lot of people are presenting HPV as not a big deal - there are strains that cause cervical cancer (big deal), those that cause genital warts (semi big deal) and those that some people get, have no idea that they have, and get to go on living life ignorantly and happily.
It seems my husband was amoung that last section. I know that guys are less likely to have symptoms, and he of course doesn't have any, and some people may say "You can't be sure he gave it to you" but my husband is the only man I've ever slept with. In fact, he's the only man I've ever kissed. Heck, he's on a very short list of men that I've hugged close.
I'm not saying that I'm blaming him, or that I'm angry with him or anything, it's just a little more difficult researching this and knowing that the reason that I have to deal with this at all is because of things he's done in the past. It was difficult enough dealing with the fact that he's been with quite a few girls, let alone now knowing that because he was I may have to deal with genital warts for the rest of my life.
Luckily, I do not have a high-risk for cervical cancer strain. I know I should be grateful for this, but at the moment I'm just a little overwhelmed with having to deal with an STD at all. Part of the reason I saved myself for one guy is because that made things safer. Obviously a man who had likewise been more discerning himself would have been even safer, but this is the man I love.
I will likely post more again later, as my journey continues, but I need to head to bed and get some sleep tonight, I woke up at 3 this morning for a different reason, and haven't been able to sleep since - partly because I started googling genital warts (fyi, the pictures on wikipedia did NOT help my panic). My googling lead me to believe that finding a community in which I would be able to talk about all this stuff might help, and I'll admit, even just writing it out has helped at the moment.
ta ta for now
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