Don’t Ask…Don’t Tell
The issue of sexual assault remains silent in our community and on college campuses
In honor of National Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I want to address don’t ask…don’t tell regarding sexual assault. Sexual assault is defined as any unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature that occurs without consent from both individuals or under threat or coercion. Whether by an acquaintance or by a stranger, sexual assault can occur either forcibly and/or against a person's will, or when a person is incapable of giving consent. By law, sexual assault includes but is not limited to rape, forcible sodomy, forcible oral copulation, sexual assault with an object, sexual battery, forcible fondling (e.g., unwanted touching or kissing for purposes of sexual gratification), or threat of sexual assault. A person is legally incapable of giving consent if under 18 years of age, intoxicated by drugs and/or alcohol, developmentally disabled, or mentally or physically unable to do so.
Most recently, a Yale junior Alexandra Brodsky and 16 current and former Yale students filed a complaint with the Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights, describing a sexually hostile environment on campus. She acknowledges that the school officials aren’t culpable for incidents of sexual harassment or assault, they’re culpable because they haven’t responded appropriately which is also form of Don’t ask…Don’t tell. According to the Justice Department, 1 in 5 college women will become a victim of rape or attempted rape and every minute in the United States, 1.3 adult women are raped. The sad reality is with those statistics we still remain silent on the issue of abuse. I am sure everyone is not on board with Alexandra and others exposing the university’s inability to appropriately address violence on campus however I applaud their effort to give voice to this issue especially on a college campus. It is often the victim who drops out of school because of the way universities handle sexual misconduct. In fact, a survey conducted by Simon Toby of female students transferring into Brown University in the early 1990s revealed that one of the top reasons women may transfer colleges is because they've been sexually assaulted on their campus.
We can all do our part as women to help EmpowHer with love and support. Often giving her support and not judgment helps begin the healing process. Holding on to the secret of abuse is not helpful and can become harmful if not addressed. Remember you are not responsible for the dirty laundry so don’t accept it.
If you or someone you love have been a victim of abuse remember, you do not have to suffer in silence, you did not abuse yourself therefore do not become your own abuser by blaming yourself, seek medical attention immediately…help is just a phone call away.
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Add a Comment6 Comments
Thanks Anonymous! I want us to feel comfortable to talk about sexual assault awareness because the more we know, the better we will be!
May 15, 2011 - 5:47pmThis Comment
Great article, Madeline. I like how you started the dialogue on the university’s inability to appropriately address violence on campus. This makes students aware that campus violence exists and they should take precautionary steps to be secure and aware of their surroundings.
May 3, 2011 - 8:21amThis Comment
I just started volunteering with TAALK.org (talk about abuse to liberate kids) it is already an international movement. I know yours is more for adults, but if you beleive there is very little support out there for adults - it's even worse for kids...I have parallel stories, and I know making an impact for kids will change the cycle before it starts. do a search and find us on FB as well. you can even start a chapter in your local area...great work all!!!
April 11, 2011 - 8:13pmThis Comment
I will look them up because I believe we make a huge difference in their lives while they are young when we openly discuss the issue of abuse. Thank you!
April 11, 2011 - 9:30pmThis Comment
I applaud you for speaking up and speaking out on sexual abuse awareness. You make so many strong and very good points. Our society must rethink and redirect our focus on this subject if justice is to be served and victims of abuse are to heal. I am reminded of something a sociology professor told us in a college course, many years ago. Rape is not a sexual crime, but a crime of power. Reflecting on this, society's pressure to not "air the dirty laundry" seems like another act to exert pressure to suppress the victim.
April 11, 2011 - 4:50pmThank you again for sharing with the EmpowHer community.
This Comment
Thanks Maryann! Yes abuse is about power & control so I definitely agree with you that it seems "not air the dirty laundry" is another act to exert pressure!
April 11, 2011 - 9:26pmThis Comment