Today is Memorial Day 2009. Normally, I would be out of town, on a lake somewhere, hanging at the poolside, barbequing with friends and enjoying the day off. This year was different. Instead, I spent the entire day sleeping. The few times I was awake was when my phone rang. I didn’t leave my bed the entire day. Thanks to Wes, I was still on schedule to take my meds, staying somewhat hydrated and getting needed items here and there. My body ached just walking to the bathroom.
This morning, I had a temperature of a little over 100 degrees. By nighttime, my temperature had risen to over 102 degrees. I have a magnet that I keep on the fridge that I received from my oncologist of specific times to call the doctor or go to the ER. I had five of the items on the checklist. The only thing I kept thinking was that it would take so much energy to go to the hospital and my body just couldn’t take moving anywhere. I decided to wait to see if my temperature goes down tomorrow. If not, then I’ll be taking another trip to St. Joe's ER. I am concerned because I have had a stomach issue that started last Thursday and has continued until now. The Oncologist told me that the fever could represent some sort of infection and could be something serious.
I was talking with Wes today and I was just telling him how I miss my old life. I miss the fast-paced lifestyle that I used to live. I miss planning for the future. I miss being intimate. I REALLY MISS driving! I miss eating a meal without having to give myself a shot in my stomach or taking a cupful of pills. I miss working out and doing pilates and yoga at the Village. I miss being able to go to Postino's and having a couple of glasses of wine without worrying if I am going to wake up the next day. There are many, many things that I miss about my life prior to lung cancer. That’s why I hope as you read this you don’t take for granted all of the wonderful, daily things that seem simple.
Now, I don’t want you to think I am trying to throw myself a pity party, because there are things in my new life that I truly appreciate.