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Last night (Wednesday night) was a rough one. My sister Kathy (she arrived from SLC late last night) and I didn’t get an ounce of sleep. All night long, the pain pump or IV machine was beeping, usually because I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, which had to be at 90 percent, my heart monitor was somehow tangled, the fluids were low, or maybe there was a kink in one of the lines. Regardless, the machines were going off every 10 minutes extremely loud, so by morning we were both walking zombies. I was just the walking zombie heavily medicated on opiates.

The doctors rounded early, bringing many questions and fewer answers. We did learn that I have a new fracture on my L3 vertebrae, which is most likely from the injury when I was trying to pull myself off the toilet. The bones were probably already really weak from the cancer. This is very common when the cancer has metastasized to the bones; exactly the reason why I am taking Zometa, the bone density drug. I also learned that I have some fluid build-up in my lung, which is causing shortness of breath. I am scheduled to see a pulmonologist tomorrow, who can schedule a surgery to have the fluid removed.

Tomorrow (Friday), I have a CT scan scheduled to look at my chest, left leg, brain and spine. This should tell us if there is new growth in these areas. If so, then we will most likely stop chemo right away and start on Tarceva, a targeted chemotherapy drug. I was also allowed to sit up in my bed today with the brace on. By night, I actually got out of bed with assistance and was able to use the bathroom. Because of the pain I was in yesterday, I had a decatheter placed. As uncomfortable I knew this would be, the pain in trying to get a bedpan underneath me was 10 times worse.

The pain management group came to see me today and altered my medication. I am so thankful they listened to me yesterday and wrote scripts for the amount of pain meds that I needed to get through the day with all of the tests I had. So, I wasn’t surprised today when they told me the amount I was on. That would explain some of the early morning hallucinations and headaches I was having. They reduced the long-acting meds today so that I was able to function a little better, but would still have the break through Dilaudid for when I needed it.

Yesterday, one of the first tests I had was a CT Scan, and I knew that moving me from the bed to the CT scan “bed” would be a huge challenge. I was right. They had a couple of techs that rolled me to my side and then slid a plastic board underneath me to act as a splint. The board was too thick and hit my back. Immediately I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but the only thing that came out was some wimpering, tears and then me yelling, “please hurry, please hurry!” Within the next few seconds I opened my eyes and I was on the CT scan table. My face was wet with tears and I was gasping for air, trying to catch my breath from the pain. It took me a good five minutes to regain my composure and become mentally ready to move forward with the test. I know that without the pain medication that I had been prescribed earlier, I probably would have passed out.

I learned tonight that I am really low again on my red blood cell count, so they are doing another blood transfusion tonight with two pints. I can’t believe that I have to have more blood added! I just had my last transfusion a couple of weeks ago after chemo! I am hoping that this will make me feel a little better. Supposedly I will feel less fatigued. I guess we shall see.

I was hoping to get more answers today, but as I’ve learned in this hospital “game,” it takes longer and is not a straightforward, easy way of doing things. There are so many people, paperwork and other factors that affect one’s care. I guess a lot of others thought what I was assuming, because my phone was ringing and beeping with texts, wanting to know the status result of the tests.

I just received the Tylenol and Benadryl for the transfusion tonight. They give me this so in case I have a reaction, then it will be addressed - so just a preliminary precaution.

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Melissa,

Thank you for going to the trouble of continuing to update us even when you're facing so many challenges and this amount of pain. I think about you when you haven't written and wonder how things are going for you. I know a lot of readers do the same.

Wishing you the best possible results from your CT scan tomorrow! And a better night's rest tonight.

June 1, 2009 - 7:58am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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