It's true, sometimes we're just not up to sex. The old "I have a headache" or "It's not you, it's me... I don't know why, I'm just not in the mood" these are tried and true and sometimes even legitimate.
You should never, ever, under any circumstances engage in any type of sexual activity against your desire to do so. But helping yourself into the mood is not a crime against yourself. Since so many of us have little time with our loved ones we sometimes get upset if we are rejected in our advances toward our partner or feel that we are going to be the ones doing the rejecting. Even if we know each other well, and trust that we love each other, that rejection can burn like no other.
So can you practice unconditional lust; that is to say - I will still lust after you if you make me upset or if I/you/we gain fifteen pounds or if you/I/we are totally stressed out and haven't gotten enough sleep?
I'm not sure. It's an interesting question and one that is bound to the dynamics of every relationship. The classic stereotype is that men can have intimate relations with their partners even if they've just had a fight or argument, while women shut down emotionally and don't want to roll around in bed just now, thanks so much.
I wonder how much of this is true and how much is fabrication. It is possible that women don't equate lovemaking with anger or darker intensity and men do. Perhaps there is no black and white in reality and this issue is different gradations of grey in different people, at different times, in different situations. After all, if we truly could experience unconditional lust, wouldn't it be grand? No amount of sleep deprivation or anger would ever drive us from our lovers' arms; we'd be three fights away from the best sex of our lives year after year.
Something to ponder, at least.
Aimee Boyle is plodding away at a science fiction fantasy novel. You can read bits of it on her blog at http://straightandnarrow.yolasite.com