As promised, in follow-up to my article on women who are emotionally abused by their husbands, and in light of the comments regarding the fact that it’s not always men who are emotionally abusive, I am posting this article regarding wives who abuse their husbands, not only to provide a resource to abused husbands, but to also to hopefully help wives who abuse recognize the behavior and get help for themselves.
Marriage is not about beating someone’s body or soul, whether it be with fists, objects, sex, or words. Marriage is about—or at least it’s supposed to be about—love. Living out the rest of your life with a person you love more than life itself and would give your life for. Most of us would say that about our children. But how many of us struggle with that in our marital relationships.
A World of Opposites
“The U.S. Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) defines domestic violence as a ‘pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner’.” (Wikipedia) Obviously this definition is put forward by a women’s organization, but it applies to men equally.
It’s extremely difficult, perhaps even more difficult, for a man to admit to himself and to those around him that he is being abused at home. More difficult because society’s view of men is that they need to be in control of their situation and that it’s not really abuse. It’s just that the man is being a wimp and letting a strong-willed woman walk all over him—either physically or emotionally. Men may not be believed when they report it to police or a counselor or pastor. They may just be told to stand up and take it like a man.
Unfortunately, the damage done to the psyche of these men can be just as bad as what this kind of advice does to a woman under the same conditions. It’s time to stop the double standard. It is not okay for a man to abuse a woman. That is not what marriage is about, and certainly not a part of the covenant that was signed on the wedding day. It is also equally not okay for a woman to abuse her husband.