We were so excited for the birth of our third child. We were days away from my due date. My bags were packed for the hospital. Our other two boys couldn’t wait to see their baby brother. I couldn’t wait to stay at the hospital!
This was no spa resort but it WAS two nights away from home. I may not be having fancy drinks by a pool, but still there would be no one to take care of but myself. Sure, there was some pain and recovery involved, but people would be bringing ME things. And of course I was ready to meet my new son. The labor, his birth, seeing his sweet little face, and the excitement of it all.
My labor went great and our baby was born. As I expected, I had a relaxing time in the hospital. Then it was time to go home. I had a favorite nurse that had taken care of me for both days that I was there. Her name was Annie. She was especially kind and helpful. As I left the hospital, I told her goodbye and could begin to feel tears welling up in my eyes. I was happy to be going home with my family. Why was I feeling this sense of sadness? Then again, there was no Annie to take care of me where I was going.
My husband took a week off from work and we began to get acclimated to life with the new baby. I was physically tired from the lack of sleep, my body was healing and my breasts were crying out for help, “Oh NO, not again!!” Still, it was both of us taking care of the three boys. Things seemed to be going well. Then the day came when my husband had to go back to work. As I watched him drive away, I felt all alone and incredibly sad. This was a feeling that would stay with me for weeks.
I enjoyed being around the kids but I felt this sadness. For me, the entire pregnancy was built up around my baby's birth. Everything that I planned for was over. I should have been happy that the reward, my new son, was here. But I couldn’t get back to feeling like myself. Now that the labor, birth and hospital stay were over, I was back to the hard part, the work.
Did I have Postpartum depression? I was so overwhelmed and sad. Did it mean something?