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Judging others is a part of everyday life, whether you realize it or not. Every time you look at someone, thoughts form in your head about their appearance and who they might be.
For example, you notice a woman wearing a low-cut top, a miniskirt, caked-on makeup and an elaborate hairdo. You might assume she’s high-maintenance, spoiled and only cares about her appearance.
However, if you think past your initial thoughts and first appearances, you might realize you were completely wrong, and in many cases you probably are. Humans are complex beings, and you can’t figure them out just by looking at them and briefly observing them.
Another example: you’ve heard of a woman who has casual sex and never stays in committed relationships for long. You might assume she is a "slut," self-centered and irresponsible. What you don’t know is her whole life story, her internal struggles and what she’s dealing with on a daily basis.
Understanding and tolerance of others can be considered as the balance to judgment and intolerance of others. If you attempt to understand others and reach past your initial observations and conclusions, enlightenment is sure to come.
Some ways that understanding and tolerance can help you are to relieve stress and fear associated with negative feelings, judgment and intolerance, and to promote positive thinking and happiness.
If you think about it, in most cases judging others is associated with negative feelings. To be fair, by sizing someone up you are judging them overall, and this doesn’t always lead to negative thoughts, fear and anger. However, depending on how your mind works, you might judge others in order to find negative aspects, or you might just hone in on those negative aspects first, especially if you have a pessimistic outlook on life.
If you see something unfamiliar or that you don’t agree with in another person after judging them, you might avoid them or criticize them and never fully understand who they are. Fear and loathing of the unfamiliar can be a natural instinct, but it’s not always best for you and others.
When you judge others in a harmful light without knowing anything about them (and even if you do know them), then treat them negatively after that, you need to re-look at how you’re handling people and situations.
In some cases, after judging a person and finding out certain things about them (like that they’re a rapist or murderer or abuse drugs), it might be safe to say they should be avoided for your own health. Know the difference between your gut instinct and just plain ignorance. However, most of the time it’s small things, such as "I don’t like the way she dresses" or "I don’t like that she has so many guy friends." In that case, realize that everyone has small, petty differences, and there can usually be compromises and eventual acceptance.
Even if you do find truly negative qualities in a person or viewpoints that you can’t accept, like consistent dishonesty, still attempt to understand the person and try to work with them. Know that it is a tendency to be lazy, and it’s easier to not dig deeper into others’ lives to look at what might be causing any unseemly behavior. Hopefully, you care about others, have a nurturing nature and are interested in helping others with problems, whether they are a friend or not. If it’s not possible and your mental or physical health is at stake, then it might be time to accept your differences (like in values and morals) and move on.
Here are some ways to change your thinking and to be more understanding, less judgmental and more tolerant of others:
1) Be aware of your thought process. If you tend to automatically jump to negative conclusions about people based on their appearances or behavior, attempt to change the way you naturally think. Even if you do still jump to those conclusions, also try to think of other aspects of peoples’ lives and what you might not know about them. If possible, try to get to know people who you have already judged in an unfavorable light – you might learn something.
2) Compliment others daily. Try to look for the positive in everyone. Say something nice or give compliments to people you encounter throughout the day. It can be as simple as "I like your shirt" or more meaningful, like "I appreciate how helpful you are." If you start thinking of others in a more positive light, then that will in most cases increase your happiness and tolerance of others.
3) Try diverse activities and immerse yourself in the culture of others. When you don’t know anything about people who aren’t exactly like you, that promotes intolerance, negative judgment and fear. If you attempt to become more familiar with other types of people and cultures, those negative feelings and emotions might be alleviated. For example, go to a multicultural fair or an ethnic restaurant, or read books and articles by people from a different culture, country, race, sexual preference or gender.
Tolerance and understanding resources:
http://www.seekwellness.com/wellness/reports/2001-09-19.htm
http://www.tolerance.org/
http://www.thefamily.org/en/viewpoints/bible-studies/62/
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1590/is_10_58/ai_83667599/
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/01/090108144747.htm
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