Dr. Kenney suggests a few ways a married couple can rekindle their passion for one another.
So many wonderful couples come to my office and they say, “We are in love. We have no plans to divorce. We are staying together but we’ve lost that lovin’ feeling and we are here because we want to get it back.” Well that’s quite a puzzle, isn’t it?
So if you are a married couple and you still love each other but you still don’t have that kind of zest for one another anymore, I’ve got three simple suggestions that might help you get that loving feeling back. One is, go back to the past. See, before you had your children your task demands were smaller in your life. As soon as you have children you got to do 5,000 more things, right?
So go back to the beginning and actually spend an hour or so with your spouse looking at old photos, talking about old stories, talk about the first time you met, the first time you kissed, really chat just a little bit about what you were like before you had children and use visual cues. There’s actually research that says that the visual cues and the props can kind of rekindle that original feeling you had.
Number two is tell stories with one another, even periodically. Let’s say you are driving to the movie. You’ve got one date a month with your spouse. Tell stories occasionally about things that you loved about your spouse or what you remember. Tell stories about happy times, really kind of remind your brain that one time you were in love. You were really fun and you were really sexy when you didn’t have kids, okay?
And then the third thing is, sometimes you really got to get away, alright, and you’ve got to get away in a very disciplined manner, and that disciplined manner means don’t use your children as an excuse. You can bring your children to grandma or grandpas, put your phone in the drawer; close the drawer and go away for two days.
There are not that many people in America who have absolutely nobody they can trust to lovingly care for their children and you deserve that time with your spouse. You have to take that time. You’ve got to get away. You’ve got to eliminate distractions and get reconnected. You deserve it.
About Dr. Lynne Kenney, Psy.D.:
Lynne Kenney, Psy.D., is a mother of two, a practicing pediatric psychologist in Scottsdale, AZ, and the author of The Family Coach Method (St Lynn’s Press, Sept 2009). She has advanced fellowship training in forensic psychology and developmental pediatric psychology from Massachusetts General Hospital/Harvard Medical School and Harbor-UCLA/UCLA Medical School. Dr. Kenney is currently a featured expert for Momtastic.com and Parentsask.com.