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Dr. Kenney suggests a few ways a married couple can rekindle their passion for one another.
Dr. Kenney:
So many wonderful couples come to my office and they say, “We are in love. We have no plans to divorce. We are staying together but we’ve lost that lovin’ feeling and we are here because we want to get it back.” Well that’s quite a puzzle, isn’t it?
So if you are a married couple and you still love each other but you still don’t have that kind of zest for one another anymore, I’ve got three simple suggestions that might help you get that loving feeling back. One is, go back to the past. See, before you had your children your task demands were smaller in your life. As soon as you have children you got to do 5,000 more things, right?
So go back to the beginning and actually spend an hour or so with your spouse looking at old photos, talking about old stories, talk about the first time you met, the first time you kissed, really chat just a little bit about what you were like before you had children and use visual cues. There’s actually research that says that the visual cues and the props can kind of rekindle that original feeling you had.
Number two is tell stories with one another, even periodically. Let’s say you are driving to the movie. You’ve got one date a month with your spouse. Tell stories occasionally about things that you loved about your spouse or what you remember. Tell stories about happy times, really kind of remind your brain that one time you were in love. You were really fun and you were really sexy when you didn’t have kids, okay?
And then the third thing is, sometimes you really got to get away, alright, and you’ve got to get away in a very disciplined manner, and that disciplined manner means don’t use your children as an excuse. You can bring your children to grandma or grandpas, put your phone in the drawer; close the drawer and go away for two days.
There are not that many people in America who have absolutely nobody they can trust to lovingly care for their children and you deserve that time with your spouse. You have to take that time. You’ve got to get away. You’ve got to eliminate distractions and get reconnected. You deserve it.
About Dr. Lynne Kenney, Psy.D.:
Lynne Kenney, Psy.D., is a mother of two, a practicing pediatric psychologist in Scottsdale, AZ, and the author of The Family Coach Method (St Lynn’s Press, Sept 2009). She has advanced fellowship training in forensic psychology and developmental pediatric psychology from Massachusetts General Hospital/Harvard Medical School and Harbor-UCLA/UCLA Medical School. Dr. Kenney is currently a featured expert for Momtastic.com and Parentsask.com.
Visit Dr. Lynne Kenney at her Website
Add a Comment3 Comments
It seems this a website is for females so I may be out of place gender-ly; however, I too am experiencing the lost passion feeling that our relationship once had! Me and my wife have been married 3 years and together for 8; and for a long time now I have been neglecting my wife's sexual needs. It's hard to admit and stand up but I just don't have urges or desires for sex. I'm not sure if it's an attraction thing, psychological issue, or whatever else it may be. I hate cowering behind excuses but I honestly do not know what's wrong with me...
I love my wife very dearly and would give her the world... I would give her whatever I can other than sex and I really need to know why I lost that desire and feeling.
Here's to hoping I get my "Mojo" back soon...
May 24, 2011 - 1:30pmThis Comment
Lori Lite / Stress Free Kids
December 14, 2010 - 2:20pmGreat Tips Lynne! We do DESERVE that Loving Feeling. I often wonder how 2 people that created life together can ever drift apart. That connection alone is inspiration to keep it loving! The tip about reminiscing is fantastic... my husband and I do it often...and we let our kids hear us... They get to hear and see healthy romance which is so important in today's world where our children and teens are bombarded with unhealthy relationship information from our media.
This Comment
Ok. I really like this idea.
Me & my partner have been together on and off for a few years. We just had a babyboy. I still feel the passion for him but he does not feel the same way. we get along just fine now but he has not been affectionate twards me in over a year. he says he still finds me attractive and claims i look great after having a baby but he says he just wants to wait to be affectionate twards me until he feels comfortable with me.
I have left him quite a few times because of some issues we had but we love each other. He has this fear of me leaving again and that is why he wants to wait. He wants to wait and see if our relationship is going to last.
We split up the day before easter 2010 and we got back together june 24, 2010 (the day our son was born). so we have been back together for 5 months now and we dont make out or have sex. we dont even cuddle. my self of steam has decreased because i feel like he is affraid of me. I have been trying everything to prove to him that i am not going anywhere. I love him. I love him even more now that he is the father of my baby. I am willing to try everything to make this relationship work.
Everyone i know tells me i seem miserable because of the lack of affection. i live in ohio and my dad lives in texas he keeps telling me that he will buy me and the baby a plane ticket to fly to texas and live with him but that is not happing because i love my partner and i am not taking our son accrossed the country away from his father.
I have tried this method but he just talks over me or laughs and ignores me. so talking about the good past just isnt working because he doesnt want to talk about love... it is really imature and i hate it. i want him to hear what i have to say about our relationship because i love him but he avoids it every time. I dont know what else to do.
December 7, 2010 - 10:55pmThis Comment