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The Feverish Pursuit of Heat

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Bombarded as we are with not only imagery but language that depicts attractive men and women as oozing, emanating, glowing, laser-beam-bearing beacons of heat, it's no wonder that when it comes to the bedroom, we check and recheck our sexual “temperature,” as if hoping it will be high enough to stay home from school.

Not only do we feel we must be attractive, clean and relatively worthwhile, but now we must, at all costs, be extremely “hot.” To this end, buying plastic surgery, including breast implants, a new nose, a tuck of the midsection, a suck of the lipids, a firming of the lip and a bigger pout, are all on display as desirable products to complete a hot person’s package.

How much heat is simply too much? What is our threshold, our melting point? At what temperature does all of this hotness simply dissolve into a messy, gooey puddle of shapeless blah? For women especially, it is so important to check in frequently with ourselves about how we actually feel. Numbing ourselves to our feelings is a perfect way to go on a super hotness diet or a plastic surgery binge that will leave us no less lonely than we were when we were simply warm.

While sexual desirability and attractiveness are crucial aspects of a woman’s self-esteem, they are not the entire package. Feeling good about yourself as a friend, as a co-worker, spouse, daughter, sister, worker; these things all go into our sense of self and, heat notwithstanding, go a long way toward finding true partnership with a lover as well.

The following link will bring you to an interesting article about women and their own relationship with their bodies and their sexuality: http://www.enotalone.com/article/2287.html.

It is so important for us to remain true to ourselves as complete human beings and to remember that what we would want in a loving partner is also who we should be not only in partnership with another, but in partnering ourselves. We must ask ourselves, “Would I want a partner who told me I was not thin enough, hot enough and good enough on a regular basis? Would I be happy with someone who constantly criticized and belittled me, making me unhappy just to look in the mirror?”

If the answer is “no,” begin to think about the kind of loving partner you really would want and be that person. You may not always be “smoking hot,” but standing too close to any fire can burn you eventually.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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