I feel like I am on here a lot, and ask a lot of questions. But I get peace of mind, and feel relieved when someone is here to answer any question I have, But I apologize in advance if I am aggravating anyone, & will stop if I am.
I graduated from highschool in 2010 and was a huge people person, I had tons of friends, loved meeting new people and talking to new people.
All of a sudden---I find it incredibly hard. I start to sweat when I am around new people, squirm around, find it hard to make eye contact, studder, etc.
I took a year off after I graduated (got rid of my social networking sites for personal reasons, lost contact with all my friends), and just now started college for Veterinary Medicine. I really want to make friends because I feel so alone and isolated--but everytime I try to, I just get really nervous and insecure...and just become extremely anxious. To the point of bursting out in tears and crying. I was diagnosed with panic disorder in 08', but never had a problem with people and panicking. I loved public speaking in highschool..& now I am utterly afraid. Afraid of being rejected or embarassed I guess.
Here's a situation that happened yesterday: While in college everyone in my vet class got into the elevator. Well, I hesitated, but I didn't want them to think it was because of them that I didn't get in, so I got in. The doors closed. I became extremely uncomfortable and nervous. I was the closest one to the buttons in the elevator, but just froze. Then a guy in my class said, "Um, can you press the 1st floor button?" but smiled and was nice about it. I started to sweat but finally unfroze and said "oh, yes, sorry I'm not in my right mind." And everyone just sort of chuckled and someone said, "I hear you girl, me neither." Even with that I still wanted to burst into tears. almost did. But don't know why. I really miss High School terribly, even though it's been more than a year since I've graduated. I've grown insecure since then, more insecure than I've ever been in my life. I have a couple small scars/scabs that haven't healed for 7+ months, and if I was in highschool that wouldn't bother me..but now I am so afraid of someone seeing, so I cover up all the time. I just want to be able to make friends without freaking out everytime.
Not sure what I can do to make this easier, I don't just want friends, I NEED friends.
Also, I WILL NOT go out in public without a full face of make-up, hair done, or clothes that I feel will cover me up. My boyfriend tried to get me out of the car one time when I was in clothes that was torn up, and I started to cry, because I didn't want to be seen like that. I wouldn't get out of the car.
Is something wrong with me?
I can't make friends, and that's all I want.
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