Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriends gets anxious even thinking about having sex with me.

By Anonymous January 31, 2015 - 10:48pm
Rate This

Hi there,
I need some advice from anyone. I've been with my partner for about 4 months now. Two months into the relationship we said the "L" word to each other and were passionately in love physically and emotionally. Into the third month I went on holiday for three weeks. When I came back, things were fine for about a week. After this week my boyfriend and I went from seeing each other 2-3 times a week, to about 1-2. Before this the sex was amazing, we did it everytime we saw each other. Recently I had noticed when I invited him over he would come up with excuses. At first I believed him, then I started to get frustrated. I asked him what was wrong. He said that he was going through some anxiety problems and was avoiding not only me, but his friends too. I told him if he wanted to talk about it I was there for him. He said that he didn't want to talk about it and he work put his chin up high and get over it. 4 days later we were going to hang. Anothe excuse came up. This time getting frustrated I explained how I thought he was shutting me out. He sent a SMS explaining how hes anxious all the time around me. We meet up today to have a chat. He explained how he loved spending time with me, and we have a connection, but he has been advoiding me because he's anxious everytime we hangout that it would lead to sex. He explained how he gets a anxity even the thought of it. I asked him, why?, was it my looks that have changed, anything? His reply was that nothing has changed about me and that everything was like when we first met. We were considering to break it off then. But have decided to give it another week to see if his feelings have changed? I know that he has some money issues at the moment that is stressing him out also. I need people's advice about if this feeling will change? If there is anything I can do to get him sexually into me again. Has anyone else had this issue before and what did they do l?I love him so much and he means the world to me. It's crazy to believe that such a wonderful relationship at the start can lead to this :(

Add a Comment1 Comments


Hello, and thank you for sharing your question.  I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch.  I'd love to give you some helpful advice on the matter.

After reading your story I am seeing a few things that need to change between you two in order for this to work out.

First let me state the obvious: your boyfriend is nervous about having intercourse with you and I am seeing two possible reasons for this.

#1 His self-confidence is very low.  This is due to many different things most likely UNRELATED to you.  If you want to help, direct the attention away from yourself and onto him.  You cause more stress in his life when you demand the love, attention and care that he can't even give himself.  So #1 direct attention away from your needs and onto his in order to boost his self-confidence

#2 If fixing you sex-life is your priority, you will continually push him away.  He needs a care-giver right now, not a sex partner. So, no more conversations about sex.  You have only known him for a short time.  There is probably more going on in his heart and mind then you know and in order to help he needs to trust you.  He cannot trust you if you keep wanting him to give you something he is not strong enough to give right now.  Try to understand what is going on without bringing up the things that make him feel more defeated.

I hope you guys can work things out.


February 1, 2015 - 9:40am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.


Sex 101

Get Email Updates

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!